High Shchool Mushical Parody
by Nellen
Summary: A parody of High School Musical. Completely OCed, cause it’s a parody. A funny one, too.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Just because I'm writing this doesn't mean I own the real thing

Note: BURN! I can play the beginning of "Breaking Free" on the piano! BURN! Mahahahaha… sorry…I feel like a jerk now…

Summary: A parody of High School Musical. Completely OCed, cause it's a parody. A funny one, too.

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High School Musical: THE SKI LODGE

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(JACK BOLTON and TROY BOLTON are playing basketball in the so called GYM at the SKI LODGE)

JACK: Remember, TROY, the playa always goes right!

TROY: (stops dribbling b-ball) Why? That's stupid. They should go at least left or up and down!

JACK: There is no up and down in basketball, unless you're a minor.

TROY: Yo, why you gotta be like that, pops? Why you be gotta be teasing me?

JACK: (takes the basketball from TROY) That's it. No more basketball for you. And don't talk like that ever again.

TROY: Daddy!

JACK: Don't daddy me.

(TROY takes the basketball from JACK)

TROY: So I'm going left?

JACK: (sarcastically) No, you're going right.

TROY: Okay!

JACK: No! I was being sarcastic!

(TROY just goes right anyways. Shows how much he listens.)

JACK: I said go left!

TROY: I did go left!

JACK: You went right!

TROY: Psh. No I didn't.

JACK: Uh, yes you did.

(JACK imitates what TROY just did. TROY on the other hand, doesn't know left from right.)

TROY: I did go left! (Puts up right hand)

JACK: Uhm, son, that's your right and my left.

TROY: Exactly! I went left!

JACK: Son, your left hand is the one that makes an L.

(TROY makes an L with his left hand)

TROY: Oh…

(MRS. BOLTON walks in all fine)

MRS. BOLTON: Boys! Stop playing! We didn't come all the way over here just to play basketball!

TROY and JACK: Uh, yes we did.

MRS. BOLTON: You boys have no life…

JACK: Me? A boy? I'm forty years old for heaven's sakes!

TROY: I'm not a boy either!

MRS. BOLTON: And you're certainly not a man.

JACK: If he's not a boy, nor a man, what is he?

TROY: I'm not girl if that's what you guys are thinking…

MRS. BOLTON: Oh, anyways. The party!

JACK: Right… the party..

MRS. BOLTON: (seductively) You'll get something yummy.

JACK: (brightens up) Right-o! The party!

TROY: Ew…. My horny parents, I present to you readers.

JACK: Come on, Troy! You got to get ready for uhm…

MRS. BOLTON: The kids' party!

TROY: Oh. No. I'm not going.

MRS. BOLTON: Young adults.

TROY: I'm going to be like, the only sixteen year old there!

MRS. BOLTON: TEENAGERS! My gosh, Troy!

TROY: Uh, no. There's going to be booze.

JACK: Then, have some booze! And maybe you can get some-

MRS. BOLTON: JACK! (to TROY) No, there is no booze, and you will not have sex until you graduate college, unless otherwise.

TROY: Right…. And yet they tell me how to live my sex/love life.

JACK: (pushing TROY) Come on, son! Cheer up! I'm pretty sure you'll have fun!

---

(GABRIELLA MONTEZ is sitting down reading a book called Kissing Kate. MRS. MONTEZ enters)

MRS. MONTEZ: Gabriella! Get up! You're going to the party! (looks at book) I swear, Gabriella, reading will give you no fun.

GABRIELLA: It gives me fun. I'm one of those people who enjoy reading books!

MRS. MONTEZ: And expands their vocabulary with unnecessary words!

GABRIELLA: Isn't that a good thing?

MRS. MONTEZ: By reading that book? No. It's a lesbian book, Gabriella.

GABRIELLA: A very intriguing one, too.

MRS. MONTEZ: You read that five billion times already.

GABRIELLA: And?

MRS. MONTEZ: And a billion other books involving sex, partying, pregnant girls, bisexuals, homosexuals, lesbians-

GABRIELLA: Okay! I'm going!

MRS. MONTEZ: Good. I laid your best clothes in the room.

(The two both turn to exit. MRS. MONTEZ turns around again, making GABRIELLA bump into her.)

MRS. MONTEZ: And one more thing. If I see that book again, I'm going to burn it. Clear?

GABRIELLA: Ultrasound clear!

MRS. MONTEZ: Don't do that. Just… say… clear. Not sound waves clear, or anything like it.

GABRIELLA: Sure, mother.

---

(TROY and GABRIELLA arrives at the party. Much to TROY's dismay, there were not a lot of hot chicks. Much to GABRIELLA'S dismay, she didn't have her book. So, point and laugh at her. They stand near the podium.)

GABRIELLA: You're a good looking guy.

TROY: And you're a hot chick.

GABRIELLA: Do-

(Unfortunately, GABRIELLA's sentence was.. uhm, not heard. Because of the stupid MC. The light went on both of them and they had to sing.)

TROY: No. I can't sing. You can't make me!

GABRIELLA: Who the heck is touching my butt?

RANDOM: Not me.

GABRIELLA: Don't look at me like that. You're ugly; I'm hot, get over it.

DUDE: (hands them microphones) You guys will be happy together after this. Maybe you'll go to high school together, make out in the hallway, have sex in college, get married and have a dozen kids. And if you do, don't forget to call me and thank me.

TROY: Unless you're dead. And I don't even know her.

GABRIELLA: I don't know him.

DUDE: You guys were flirting with each other! Don't tell me you don't know each other's name!

TROY and GABRIELLA: Uh, no. We don't.

(DUDE sighs and jumps off the podium, leaving TROY and GABRIELLA still standing there. The music starts, and TROY missed his part)

GABRIELLA: You missed your part, you dumb lollipop!

TROY: Lollipop? Who the hell says that?

GABRIELLA: Everybody except retards like you.

TROY: Don't insult me!

DUDE: (yells) WE'RE STARTING THE DAMN SONG OVER! NOW SING IT GOOD OR ELSE WE'LL KICK YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES OUT!

GABRIELLA: Gee. He's feisty.

TROY: He's desperate is what he is.

(The music starts and finally they start singing.

TROY: We're soaring…

GABRIELLA: Wrong song, idiot. That's at the end of the movie.

TROY: No, the song at the end of the movie is "We're All in this Together".

GABRIELLA: Stop using your logic!

DUDE: Why did I even bother auditioning…

(Once more, the music starts and TROY sings the write song and at the right time. While their singing, you can see some bad directing. You see TROY holding the microphone, and you see the microphone and the microphone holder thingy. We're sorry for the inconvenience.)

TROY and GABRIELLA: It's the start of something new.

(GABRIELLA backs up since TROY is coming closer to her. She's thinking 'molester' but then she falls back, and no one caught her.)

GABRIELLA: (gets up and brushes dust off and turns to BOY WHO CATCHES GABRIELLA) Dammit! You were supposed to catch me!

BOY WHO CATCHES GABRIELLA: I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't!

(Well, the song is over.. and yeah.)

TROY: (holds out hand) Troy.

GABRIELLA: (shakes TROY's hand) Gabriella.

DUDE: Are you guys trying to get a one night stand?

(TROY and GABRIELLA look at DUDE strangely.)

TROY and GABRIELLA: What?

DUDE: You didn't say each other's last names, so I'm assuming that you guys are looking for one night stands. That's the most important rule in one night stands!

TROY: I'll remember that.

GABRIELLA: Me, too.

DUDE: Right… (walks away)

---

TROY: You sing really nice!

GABRIELLA: (scoffs) Of course I do.

TROY: You sound conceited.

GABRIELLA: That's because I _know_ I'm good.

TROY: Right…

GABRIELLA: Well, I did have this solo once, and I, was, uhm, sick! So I couldn't do it.

TROY: I bet you were stage fright.

GABRIELLA: No I wasn't. That's nonsense. Why would I be scared?

TROY: Well, because….

(silence)

TROY: So, you're hot.

GABRIELLA: Right…

EVERYBODY AROUND TROY and GABRIELLA: 3, 2, 1, HAPPY MARDI GRAS!

TROY: I thought it was Happy New Year…

EVERYBODY AROUND TROY and GABRIELLA: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

GABRIELLA: Were you trying to kiss me?

TROY: Aw, darn. I was close, though, right?

GABRIELLA: Yeah, you were.

(Both start laughing.)

TROY: I'll kiss you next time.

GABRIELLA: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you will. Haha.

TROY: Can I have your phone number?

GABRIELLA: Ooh! Making a move on me! Wow…

TROY: Yeah.. right… I just wanted to call you the next day, but, okay. I mean, who wouldn't want _my_ phone number..

GABRIELLA: I would want your phone number.

TROY: (excited) Great! (notices his excitement) Uhm, yeah. Thanks.

(They both swap phone numbers. GABRIELLA walks away after TROY looked down at his phone)

TROY: (looks at picture of GABRIELLA) Damn, you're so hot. (looks up and sees no one) Darn it! I was talking to myself… Gah…

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Yeah… bye!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: We're not going over this again.

Note: So… they've got the whole soundtrack piano/guitar/voice music sheets online… I must share it with the world….

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High School Musical: First Day Back From School

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(We see EAST HIGH. It's supposedly the first day back from winter break, but it's all sunny outside. Hmm.. Wonder why. Well, anyways, the Wildcats theme song is playing, the CHEERLEADERS are dancing, CHAD is holding a ball and teasing a CHEERLEADER.)

CHAD: (Throws ball at CHEERLEADER'S face).

CHEERLEADER: Ow! I said gimme the ball! Not throw it at my face! Ugh. You're mean.

CHAD: What? It's not my fault you don't have fast reflexes. So, bam!

CHEERLEADER: (Rolls eyes) Ugh, whatever. (Z-snaps, body rolls, and walks away.)

CHAD: (to retreating CHEERLEADER) I can do that, too! With my letter! (C-snaps, body rolls) Huh! What now, biscuit?

(Yay! TROY enters!)

CHAD: Yay! TROY! The captain of the team! The leader of the pack! The core of our nucleus!

TROY: Shut up, Chad.

CHAD: Well, you're going to lead us to the championship, right? Because we need you, Troy, buddy! Because without you, we suck bad!

TROY: So, basically, you're just using me.

CHAD: Yeah, but, you're still my best friend and best friends to Zeke, Jason, and-

TROY: Do you just ever stop talking?

CHAD: Not really. SHWAT TEAM!

EVERYBODY AROUND THE MALE MEMBERS OF THE "GANG": SHWILDCATSH!

CHAD: SHWAT TEAM?

EVERYBODY AROUND THE MALE MEMBERS OF THE "GANG": SHWILDCATSH!

CHAD: SWILDCATSH!

EVERYBODY INCLUDING THE MALE MEMBERS OF THE "GANG": GET YOUR HEAD IN ZE GAME!

TROY: Gosh, we really need a new catch phrase.

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(Inside the school, the twins (SHARPAY and RYAN EVANS) are walking down with a "I'm hotter/better than you" attitude with their noses up in the air and holding their cell phones. Sharpay walks through the crowd of JOCKS and CHEERLEADERS.)

CHAD: Whoa, the "Ice Queen" is back.

JASON: Back again.

ZEKE: Sharpay's back.

TROY: Tell a friend.

CHAD: Shut up! Gosh. Well, she's back from the "North Pole".

JASON: Why's that?

CHAD: Oh my Spanish fans. Ice queen? North pole? Get it?

ZEKE: Well, why the North Pole?

CHAD: WE JUST CAME BACK FROM WINTER BREAK!

TROY: I still don't get it.

JASON: Hey, guys! I ruined it!

ZEKE: What?

JASON: You guys have four letters in your names while I have five!

CHAD: Who cares, Jason?

TROY: So… what happened to the crowd of jocks and cheerleaders?

JOCKS and CHEERLEADERS: We're here.

TROY: Right…

(The crowd of JOCKS and CHEERLEADERS with TROY, JASON, CHAD, and ZEKE swimming leading it, walks away. We see TAYLOR looking at them with a disgusted face.)

TAYLOR: (to the geeks) Behold, the beasts that are ruining our reputation of the human race.

GEEK GIRL: They're hot.

GEEK GUY: Totally.

TAYLOR: Hey!

GEEK GIRL: They don't seem to be ruining our rep.

GEEK GUY: Yeah, a besides. Geeks hang out with a lot of people. We're geeks, not nerds.

TAYLOR: What's the difference?

(GEEK GUY and GEEK GIRL point to a group of nerds, who have their shirts tucks in, pens in the breast pocket, braces, distorted faces, huge glasses that are taped, etc.)

TAYLOR: Right….

( School bell rings.)

TAYLOR: Uhm… see you later.

GEEK GUY and GIRL: Bye!

TAYLOR: (mutters to herself after GEEK GUY and GIRL walk away) How do I know them again?

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(So, anyways, if you know what happens next in this movie, I really shouldn't say anything.)

GABRIELLA: Shmommy! My sto make hurts.

MRS. MONTEZ: Suck it up! Please, and just this once, don't be all nervous and retarded around your new students and teachers.

GABRIELLA: Mom!

MRS. MONTEZ: Oh, and Mr. Matsui, please, if you see her with a book, make sure you confiscate it and never give it back to her.

GABRIELLA: NO!

MR. MATSUI: Is that necessary? I mean, with all her excellent grades and with our awesome curriculum, of course, there will be no need! And confiscating books isn't really fundamental to our learning system.

MRS. MONTEZ: (crosses arms) Why? So they can expand their vocabulary?

MR. MATSUI: Correct!

MRS. MONTEZ: Do you really want them reading teen novels that involve violence, drugs, sex, bisex-

MR. MATSUI: Negative! We'll confiscate books that damage their brains!

MRS. MONTEZ: Like I said, sex, homos, lesbos, bis-

MR. MATSUI: Fine. I'll confiscate it.

GABRIELLA: (gasps) Fine, mother. (Crosses arms, sticks nose in the air, and stomps, turning away from MRS. MONTEZ) Hmph.

MRS. MONTEZ: Don't be silly, Gabriella. This is healthy for you.

(GABRIELLA doesn't say anything, nor turn around, and she still has her arms crossed and her nose up in the air. Hmph.)

MR. MATSUI: Uhm… Miss Montez-

GABRIELLA: I'm not a Montez anymore.

MRS. MONTEZ: And why's that?

GABRIELLA: Because I said so. Hmph.

MRS. MONTEZ: You're being utterly ridiculous.

GABRIELLA: Well, confiscating books that everybody in this school likes to read is _utterly_ ridiculous.

MR. MATSUI: Well, the bell that's going to ring and you being late is utterly ridiculous!

MRS. MONTEZ: Go, Gabby.

GABRIELLA: My name's not Gabby.

MRS. MONTEZ: Oh really?

GABRIELLA: Uh-huh. It's now Noel Pizarro.

MR. MATSUI: Well, whatever your name is, I'm going to show you to your homeroom. I'm pretty sure you can found out what happens next after that.

(GABRIELLA and MR. MATSUI go up the stairs to get to HOMEROOM of MAIN CHARACTERS.)

GABRIELLA: (turns around and waves to MRS. MONTEZ) Bye, mommy! I love you!

MRS. MONTEZ: (mutters to herself while waving back) She doesn't really show it. Doesn't even act like a sixteen-year-old. (louder) Bye sweetie! Have a nice day at school!

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(We now see HOMEROOM of MAIN CHARACTERS. GABRIELLA walks in and passes by TROY and JASON.)

JASON: You don't remember anything?

TROY: No… just the jelly.

JASON: What are we talking about?

TROY: I really have no clue. It was in the movie. We were talking about… jelly.

JASON: Well, I like…. Peanuts.

TROY: My cousin can't stand peanut butter. She says it smells really bad.

JASON: I love peanut butter!

ZEKE and CHAD: (jumps into conversation.. literally) It's peanut butter-jelly time! Peanut butter-jelly time! (Start dancing) Way-ya! Way-ya! Way-ya! Way-ya! (start pointing and JASON and TROY) Now there you go! There you go! There you go! There you go! (swings arms back and forth) Peanut butter-jellay! Peanut butter-jellay! (randomly get a baseball bat) Peanut butter-jelly! Peanut butter-jelly! Peanut butter-jelly with a baseball bat!

TROY and JASON: Shut up.

(While that was going on, GABRIELLA just goes into the back of the room. TROY thinks, but doesn't know for sure or something, he saw GABRIELLA.)

MS. DARBUS: Okay, class. Sit down.

(No one really hears her.)

MS. DARBUS: Sit down!

(Chatter, chatter, beep, beep, talk, talk, honk, honk.)

MS. DARBUS: S(insert two letters hear)T DOWN!

(Everybody settles down since she just said a really bad word.)

MS. DARBUS: Okay. Now that I have you attention, welcome back to the first day of school of this year. If you want to join the Scholastic Decathlon Team, which I'm sure no one will join since no one has an IQ as high as the Einsteins and Einsteinettes here, you can ask Taylor here.

(TROY gets his cell phone out and calls GABRIELLA. "The Taco Song" is heard. For no reason, SHARPAY and RYAN bring their cellies out. She takes out her cell phone and sees TROY's fugly/hot picture on it.)

GABRIELLA's CELL PHONE: (beat box- oomps, oomps) No burritos, just tacos, no. No burritos, just tacos, no. No burritos, just tacos, no. Can I have a burrito? No! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai!

MS. DARBUS: (turns head sharply) Whose cell phone is that? Cell phones are prohibited in this class. (takes out paint bucket and goes up to SHARPAY.)

SHARPAY: You can't take my cell phone! I paid good money for this!

MS. DARBUS: Your money?

SHARPAY: No! My father's!

MS. DARBUS: Just put it in the bucket!

SHARPAY: It's going to get destroyed by that bucket of paint!

MS. DARBUS: There is no paint! Now put it in the bucket! You have detention for not only having your cell phone out, but for arguing with the teacher!

(SHARPAY puts it in the bucket and after MS. DARBUS passes her, she says "son of a businessman")

MS. DARBUS: Ryan? Are you going to be persistent and not letting your cell phone be taken?

RYAN: I don't know. Am I?

MS. DARBUS: Don't talk to me like that.

RYAN: Do I talk to you like that?

MS. DARBUS: Stop talking in the interrogative form!

RYAN: I talk in the interrogative form?

(MS. DARBUS takes RYAN's cell phone from him and puts in the bucket.)

MS. DARBUS: Detention for cell phone AND for talking in the interrogative form.

(When MS. DARBUS passes RYAN, he mutters "bucket of shaving cream". She goes up to GABRIELLA.)

MS. DARBUS: What is that noise? Turn it off!

GABRIELLA: It's "The Taco Song"! And it's not noise! But, here you go!

(GABRIELLA drops her cell phone into the bucket.)

MS. DARBUS: Finally! A student that knows when to put the cell phone in the bucket! But you still have detention.

GABRIELLA: (shrugs shoulders) Oh well.

(After MS. DARBUS walks away, she says "stupid Troy".)

(MS. DARBUS sees that TROY has his cellie out. She goes up to him.)

MS. DARBUS: Detention Troy Bolton.

CHAD: Don't give him detention! I mean, just for having a cell phone out!

MS. DARBUS: Cell phones are the scums of the earth in the theatre world. Live with it.

CHAD: That's stupid!

MS. DARBUS: You're stupid. Detention for you Mr. Danforth. (to TAYLOR) You, too, Taylor, because I feel like it.

TAYLOR: What!

MS. DARBUS: It's because I feel like it.

TAYLOR: Ugh.

(The bell rings.)

MS. DARBUS: Now go. Shoo. Run away. Just get away from me this instant!

(Everybody gets up and runs away. And if you're wondering, they didn't jump out of the window.)

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I had "The Taco Song" in my head…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: We're not going over this again.

Note: Aw… No one knows "The Taco Song"!

Chapter 1

**Brilliant Brunette 650 – **how sad! But, my friends think I'm just retarded, and sometimes mentally special. So I know how you feel.

**Blu shoes on my desk** – of course!

**Frankie G** – I'll try! But I need to watch the movie again… I forget what happens next… how sad..

Chapter 2

**Blu shoes on my desk**, **intothe RUSH**, **Brilliant Brunette 650**, **Kinky Finkelstein** – Oh yeah.. Peanut-butter jelly rocks! I also love the sandwich. So tasty, hahaha.

**SilverConlon** **– **Aw.. your mother yelled at you! Hahaha… that's so sad! I'm glad this story makes people laugh out loud so much.

Note: Aw… No one knows "The Taco Song"! And thank mish mosh for computers! Or else I would never seen the TSL episode with the Catholic school. And thank graffiti that I have channel four so that I could see Heist with Zac and the bomb. Hahaha… It looked so… Law and Order and CSI on the commercials… or something… Las Vegas.. I don't know..

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High School Musical: Gabriella's Explorations and Discoveries about East High

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(Okay, so here's the HOMEROOM of MAIN CHARACTERS. The PEOPLE IN THE HOMEROOM of MAIN CHARACTERS walk out. But in the last chapter, they ran away. So, they walked, skipped, cart wheeled, somersaulted, who cares! So, TROY, being as slick as he can hides behind the door and waits for GABRIELLA to come out. But, who does that? So, when GABRIELLA comes out, TROY sneaks up behind her. Great idea? Tch, no!)

TROY: (sneaks up GABRIELLA and _gently_ grabs her arm) Hey!

GABRIELLA: (surprised) Huh? Oh you…. (smacks TROY's face) Don't do that! I could've gotten a heart attack and it seemed like you were stalking me!

TROY: (rubs cheek that wasn't slapped) Sorry…

GABRIELLA: Uhm, I smacked the other cheek…

TROY: (realizes) Oh…. Well, the shock traveled from this cheek (points to cheek that was slapped) to this one (points to cheek that was rubbed)..

GABRIELLA: You're retarded.

TROY: And you just found out now?

GABRIELLA: Well, I kind of knew you for like what, five hours?

TROY: More than that.

GABRIELLA: Whatever.

(silence…)

TROY: So-

GABRIELLA: (interrupts) If you call me hot again, you have to buy me an ice cream.

TROY: I wasn't.

GABRIELLA: Oh.. okay.. continue!

TROY: …. You're hot.

GABRIELLA: Okay, you owe me an ice cream!

(silence)

TROY: I think we're missing the whole point of this scene.

GABRIELLA: Me, too…. Well… uhm…

TROY: I can't-

GABRIELLA: (stops TROY with a hand gesture that said 'stop') Hey! It's my line!

TROY: Okay.. sheesh…

GABRIELLA: I can't..

TROY: .. believe it!

GABRIELLA: Wait… we're supposed to say something before that….

TROY: Oh well. We forgot.

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Actually, I forgot.

GABRIELLA: Well, no one cares what you think.

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Of course… And that's what everybody says to me!

TROY: Frankly, we don't care!

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Ugh… I could delete you, you know…

TROY and GABRIELLA: We don't care!

GABRIELLA: And besides, you can't delete us! We're the main characters of the story!

RAINING BLOSSOMS: So? I can replace you with Cody and Rebecca.

TROY: Who the heck are they?

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Characters in the "High School Musical"… musical that my school might do. And this dude in our class put Cody and Rebecca instead of Troy and Gabriella. But I wanted to do "Lion King" instead. (starts singing that song with the lyrics "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight" and the "oh-we-mo-way! Oh-we-mo-way!")

GABRIELLA: Is that supposed to mock us?

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Excuse me?

TROY: Troy… Cody… Four letters in each name and have an O and a Y…

GABRIELLA: Gabriella… Rebecca… has double letters and ends in an A….

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Who cares…

TROY: We do. Now go away. We're doing the movie.

RAINING BLOSSOMS: No, you aren't.

GABRIELLA: Yes, we are. And remember, we don't care about what you think because you're always WRONG!

TROY: And you always think you're right! Like that time in your dance class when you were arguing with another student about something and then your teacher yelled at you saying "(insert name), you're wrong!"

(GABRIELLA and TROY point and laugh at RAINING BLOSSOMS. She back hands them and then leaves briskly.)

GABRIELLA: So… yeah…

TROY: You think I'm hot?

GABRIELLA: So hot, that I want to make out with you.

(GABRIELLA pushes TROY against the lockers. TROY leans down to kiss but, oh snap! GABRIELLA is too quick for him and walks down the hall and turns the corner. So, poor TROY falls flat on his face.)

TROY: Darnit. I was close.

(TROY gets up and rounds the corner and sees GABRIELLA looking at the sign-up sheet for "Twinkie Towne".)

GABRIELLA: Twinkie Towne?

TROY: Sounds tasty. I'm pretty sure you don't want to sign up for that.

GABRIELLA: I do, but, in the movie, I'm supposed to be all like "Oh, I'm not ready for that!" and blah. So basically, I can't sign it.

TROY: Must suck.

SHARPAY: (comes out of… thin air) What sucks, TROY?

GABRIELLA: Holy cow! Where the heck did you come from?

SHARPAY: Read the script.

GABRIELLA: I wanna try that!

SHARPAY: No. I only can do that. Oh, and were you thinking about joining the musical? (gets the little sharpay….. uhm… sharpie marker and puts her name on it, covering the pairs' list) Because you won't be joining it now! Me and my brother-

TROY and GABRIELLA: (corrects SHARPAY) My brother and I.

SHARPAY: Who cares! We have starred in kajillions of school productions and musicals. I don't think you're going to beat us.

TROY: But we will.

(SHARPAY and GABRIELLA smack him.)

GABRIELLA: Idiot! Now people know what happens at the end!

TROY: Well, it's kind of obvious. I mean, what would happen in a situation like? For example: the hero is in a fight with the villain. Who's going to win?

SHARPAY: Obviously, the hero! (thinks) Wait… are you calling my brother and I-

TROY and GABRIELLA: (corrects SHARPAY) Me and my brother.

SHARPAY: Shut up! Are you calling us villains?

GABRIELLA: Probably.

SHARPAY: How putrid!

GABRIELLA: Your penmanship is putrid.

(GABRIELLA walks away, and then disappears into thin air.)

SHARPAY: I still love you, Troy. Just so you know.

TROY: What?

(He evidently didn't hear her. She decides to use a line from "Aquamarine".)

SHARPAY: Do you love me?

TROY: What?

SHARPAY: It's a yes or no question.

TROY: Uhm… I don't know.

SHARPAY: Answer it, dammit!

TROY: No?

SHARPAY: Last night didn't even mean anything to you?

TROY: What the f(insert two letters here)k are you talking about? Are you crazy?

SHARPAY: I was just joshing you. Jeez. Calm down.

TROY: Right. And I was just tommying you.

SHARPAY: (ignores TROY's last comment) When's the big game?

TROY: Why the heck would you want to know? Of all people?

SHARPAY: I don't know. (threatening) You better watch me in the musical, Troy. Or else.

TROY: Or else what? Hit me with your little bags and stupid little microphone?

SHARPAY: It's a surprise.

TROY: Are you going to hire a hit man on me?

SHARPAY: Darn… You figured out my plan.

TROY: Tch… whatever..

(TROY starts to walks away.)

SHARPAY: Noodles!

TROY: What the heck?

SHARPAY: Cheerio!

TROY: What's with the food!

SHARPAY: I'm hungry.

(TROY walks away thinking that SHARPAY just gets more retarded by the second. SHARPAY looks at where GABRIELLA disappeared, and… hmphs and walks away.)

--------

(The BASKETBALL TEAM are in the gym, including the male members of the gang (excluding RYAN), for practice. TROY and CHAD are standing next to each other, warming up.)

TROY: (after stretching arms) So… you know that musical… right?

CHAD: (reaching down on one leg) Twinkie Towne?

TROY: I thought it was Twinkle Towne…

CHAD: The guys on the team changed it.

TROY: Really? Prove it.

(CHAD points to a group of the JOCKS huddled up together.)

JOCK #1: Dude! I changed "Twinkle Towne" into "Twinkie Towne"!

JOCK #2: Is that supposed to make you awesome and superior?

JOCK #1: Basically. Yeah.

JOCK #3: No one cares.

JOCK #1: That's what you think!

(Back to CHAD and TROY.)

CHAD: (stretches biceps and triceps) There's your proof. Oh yeah, and also, do you think I would be in something involving a musical?

TROY: It's great college credit.

CHAD: So? Do you think Shaq or Kobe wanted to join musicals in high school?

TROY: Shaq was in movies….

CHAD: Like I care!

TROY: That's still acting.

CHAD: (stretching quadriceps) Shut up, Troy! Do you always have to ruin my fun?

TROY: Well, you're the one being retarded, saying that I can't do a musical because I play basketball. You're such a hypocrite.

CHAD: Whatever..

TROY: And uhm, even though Sharpay is retarded, she's still… hot…

CHAD: Yeah, and so is the sun, but you don't touch it.

TROY: (after CHAD runs away) Okay… uhm… let's play ball…. Or something….

----------

JOCKS: (throws ball up into the air like shooting uhm… basketballs) WHOO!

(Well… TROY… being retarded, is the last one in the gym. And a basketball hits him in the head.)

----------

(Well, we're in…. algebra class… or advanced…. Considering TAYLOR and GABRIELLA are in the class… and so is SHARPAY. My, my. Well, SHARPAY crosses her arms, and slides down, so that she can see GABRIELLA under the shelf.)

SHARPAY: So!

(GABRIELLA shrieks and materials fly everywhere.)

GEEK GUY: Ow! My eye!

GEEK GIRL: Ooh! A pencil!

JOCK: Ahh! Spitball!

SHARPAY: How do you know Troy Bolton?

GABRIELLA: Magic.

SHARPAY: (fake laughs and then becomes serious) No, seriously. How do you know him?

GABRIELLA: It's a secret.

SHARPAY: It's not like you met up with him over vacation and he became your one-night stand and vice versa.

(GABRIELLA stays silent.)

SHARPAY: (out loud) Oh my pixie sticks! You had sex with Troy Bolton!

GABRIELLA: Yeah, Taylor! You had sex with Troy Bolton?

TAYLOR: I'm not part of this conversation.

CHEERLEADER #1: You female dog! Troy's mine!

CHEERLEADER #2: Ugh! You buttdonkey! He's mine!

CHEERLEADER #1: No, he's mine!

CHEERLEADER #2: No, he's mine!

(While the CHEERLEADERS are arguing over whom TROY belongs to…)

GABRIELLA: Don't be stupid, Sharpay. He was just showing me around.

SHARPAY: Oh…

GABRIELLA: Now thanks to you, I already got a title as "the girl who banged Troy when she really didn't".

SHARPAY: Well, sorry. You're the one who went all silent!

GABRIELLA: Just because I went silent, it doesn't mean that I'm hiding a secret! It simply means I'm _ignoring_ you! Gosh… Oh, and teacher!

TEACHER: Yes?

GABRIELLA: I think you're in the wrong class…

TEACHER: What do you mean?

GABRIELLA: This is math. You're putting up science equations.

(SCIENCE) TEACHER: Oh, my, dearie. Thank you!

(The SCIENCE TEACHER bolts out the classroom.)

MATH TEACHER: She's gone? We were having a nice cup of tea…. (puts up wrong equation on board)

GABRIELLA: It's sixteen over pi, miss!

MATH TEACHER: No it isn't. Don't correct me because I'm always right.

GABRIELLA: Okay… If you want to teach us the wrong way and then you later get yourself fired for doing so, go ahead. You're the teacher.

(MATH TEACHER goes to calculator and punches in the numbers.)

MATH TEACHER: I stand corrected.

EVERYBODY: Gasp! She corrected math teacher!

MATH TEACHER: (yells at EVERYBODY) SHUT UP! You're making me feel stupid.

JOCK: (to CHEERLEADER #2) It's because she is.

MATH TEACHER: Boy, you better run. (rolls up sleeves)

(The JOCK runs out the door and never came back that day.)

MATH TEACHER: Anybody want to challenge me and get on my nerves? (to GABRIELLA) Oh, and welcome aboard the math express.

(GABRIELLA is probably thinking like "WTF! Math express? Sooooo corny." Meanwhile, TAYLOR is looking at her like she has a plan going on in her mind. SHARPAY gasps and slides back, and then taps her fingers on the table.)

MATH TEACHER: Stop it, Sharpay.

----------------

Uhm… I just had to put Aquamarine…

Someone tell me what's next! Or… just tell me what happens for the rest of the movie! Keep me writing!

Edit….

OH MY EFFING GODNESS! I just saw "Heist" and all of a sudden, like.. uhm… er.. Zac, yea… he has the bomb! And then he's like "Hurry up, man!" to the clerk, and then he went outside with the money and the cops caught him and then they told him to drop it. So, he did and then the bomb started beeping and then like, it went back to the original thieves, and then all of a sudden, it went back to Zac and he exploded! OMIGOSH! It was soooooo sad and funny at the same time! I'm sorry but it was! Don't be hating! But, it was bad effects…. But still funny.. and sad…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Oh, hell no.

**Khknight** **– **that song is sooooo long! The never-ending song! Hahahaha… I should put it in!

**True Religion** (who was originally Brilliant Brunette) - Teachers these days… tsk tsk tsk… I abhor my homeroom/math teacher! Well, he teachers the junior high math, but, he's my homeroom teacher and he teaches all of the other subjects…. Gah… he eats sooooo disgustingly!

**FrankieG** - …we seriously don't know how to complete sentences without saying "yea" at the end… well, I don't know about you, but… yeah….

**Lissical** – thanks so much lovely….ergh….!

**Kinky Finkelstein** (who is really a girl with a nickname Linds) – "I'm My Own Grandpa"? What is that? And I thought I was the only one who knew weird songs…

…

INCESTUOUS? EEEK.. But I don't write that kind of stuff… I just figured… that… like… Drama, and romance, and angst, and all that shiznits was not for me…. You can tell by my reviews from my other retarded or prior stories that were retarded and shiznits...

**Xsweeetieex** – Anything to make my readers… hysterical with laughter… because I'm just funny like that… not angsty and shiznits… 'cause… I'm a happy person?

**Kuramazlilsis** – thanks for the grammatical error! I need a lesson or two in revision….

-----------------------------

High School Musical: Sharpay and Ryan's Meddling Affairs and Everything In Between

-----------------------------

(TROY suddenly appears in the hallway. He goes up to the audition signing up list for no apparent reason.)

TROY: Why the heck am I here? Am I supposed to be here? Where am I? The last thing I remember is making out with Nikki… and her Aunt Ava kicking me out and her brother, Bradin, smacking my butt…

(Uhm… stupid TROY… hahaha…)

TROY: Gosh, where's Amber? I like need her! Nikki, too! I have so many women in my life!

RAINING BLOSSOMS: (is heard with a loud booming voice) GET THE FRICK OUT OF MY FANFICTION, CAMERON!

(Well…. CAMERON poofs… and on comes TROY!)

TROY: Why the hell am I here? There's no need for me to be here, because, I have no room to sign the list and like hell I want to be in "Twinkie Towne"….

(RYAN is in the hallway walking and sees TROY at the list. With his quick, speedy, James Bond moves, he maneuvers himself through the hallway. The "Mission Impossible" song is playing.)

FLUTE MUSICIAN: (trips over RYAN) Aah! (and drops her flute….) Oh no! I paid good money for this crap of a flute!

SOCCER PLAYER: (trips over RYAN) HOLY CRAPNESS! (and breaks his ankle in the process) Oh no! Not the other ankle! Now I won't play soccer anymore! Imma cripple fer life!

STEP DANCER #1: (does the "Touch It" step dance) Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it, turn it, leave it, stop, format it!

RYAN: (gets stepped on by STEP DANCER #1) Meep!

STEP DANCER #2: (randomly stamps her feet because she doesn't know how to step dance)

RYAN: (is totally trampled on by STEP DANCER #2) Ahhh! My bah-day! Shiznits! My (disgusting body part)!

SCIENCE TEACHER: (holding a formula and is very quick-paced) I've got to get this formula to the lab or something bad will happen!

(RYAN is still rolling… and the SCIENCE TEACHER trips over him and drops the formula.)

SCIENCE TEACHER: (in that slow motion voice) NOOOOOOOO!

(The formula drops and….)

KABOOSH!

…

(Everyone is coughing and a pale pink mist surrounds them and everybody starts to panic.)

RANDOM STUDENT: My eyes! My eyes! It stings and burns like hell!

RANDOM NERD: Oh no! I think I'm having an asthma attack! Where's my inhaler?

(RANDOM NERD takes his inhaler out, but due to the chaos, someone ran into him and the inhaler was knocked out of his hand.)

RANDOM NERD: Gah! Must find inhaler!

(He goes on the floor, but then he hears something crunch.)

RANDOM NERD: NOOOOO! What will I do now?

COMMERCIAL GIRL: (jumps in front of him) You need "Clean Air Mask" or "CAM"!

RANDOM NERD: Wow! What does that do?

COMMERCIAL GIRL: It helps you to breathe clean air and works 2,090 percent better than a gas mask! Plus, allergies won't get in the way! Works 6,398 percent better than all of the leading allergy medicines like Claritin!

RANDOM NERD: Can I try?

COMMERCIAL GIRL: Sure! But just remember this: "CAM" makes you think clearer, look cooler, and makes you more popular! Celebrities like Haley Joel Osment and Jamie Lyn Spears, or whatever her name is, use this product!

RANDOM NERD: (puts on CAM) Wow! It really works! Thanks!

COMMERCIAL GIRL: (starts speaking very fast) CAM may not work due to certain procedures and events. It may cause the user to be short of breath, have diarrhea, nausea, hot flashes, sudden moments of horniness, a lot of gay/lesbian moments, and stomachaches. Be sure to talk to your doctor before using this product.

(The pale pink mist is cleared! Hoo-rah!)

UNKNOWN: Where in the world are we?

RYAN: Who's there?

(Oh, no! The UNKNOWN appears to beANSEM!)

ANSEM: It is I, Ansem, the seeker of darkness!

CLOUD: Shut your pothole, Ansem. Besides, you're just a Heartless.

GAMING GEEK GUY #1: HOLY CRAP! IT'S ANSEM!

(Turns to GAMING GEEK GUY #2 and #3 and GAMING GEEK GIRL.)

GAMING GEEK GUY #1: Let's get our keyblades out and vanquish this Heartless!

GAMING GEEKS: Right!

(They somehow… get… keyblades out. They run towards ANSEM with their keyblades and battle cries are heard coming from them.)

LEON/SQUALL: Where the blazes are we?

SEYMOUR: Last thing that I remember was that I was about to marry Yuna.

TIDUS: We killed you… you friggin' stupid, ugly, Guado.

MOOGLE: Kupo?

YUFFIE: Ouch.. my booty…

RENO: What the hell? High school? (turns to YUFFIE) Hey, brat. Looks like you need to go back to school.

YUFFIE: What? Noooo! I hate school! I'd rather be stealing materia or hanging out with my peeps or-

RENO: (interrupts YUFFIE) Annoying me?

YUFFIE: Yah!

RINOA: I hate you, Squall.

LEON/SQUALL: It's Leon.

YUNA: Treasure, treasure, treasure. (spots trophies) OOOH! (calls out) RIKKU! PAINE!

TIDUS: Hell, no, Yuna.

YUNA: Awww…

GAMING GEEK #2: Omigosh! It's Yuna! You're hot!

YUNA: Huh?

GAMING GEEK #2: I have like a shrine of you online!

YUNA: Eww…

ARBITER: I need to defend the Covenant!

GAMING GEEK #3: Cool! It's Arbiter!

LUKE SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM: Where in the force am I?

GAMING GEEK GIRL: OMIGOSH! IT'S LUKE SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM! OMIGOSH! YOU'RE SOOOOOO HOT! I LOVE YOU!

LUKE SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM: Not another rabid fangirl…

(LUKE SKYWALKER is smothered with hugs by GAMING GEEK GIRL.)

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Sorry… missing the point here… but let me just rape Reno here for being hot.

RENO: Hell, no.

(RAINING BLOSSOMS goes up to RENO.)

RAINING BLOSSOMS: (touches RENO's arm) Rape.

RENO: That's it?

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Want more?

RENO: No…

SCIENCE TEACHER: By golly! This formula can actually bring characters from another dimension! I shall tell Matsui-san about this!

(SCIENCE TEACHER runs off the principal's office. All of the GAME CHARACTERS were just walking around, talking with one another, fighting each other (Like CLOUD and SEPHIROTH), making out (like TIDUS and YUNA), stealing random things (like YUFFIE), somehow vandalizing things, (ARBITER in this case), or is attacked by rabid fangirls (poor LUKE SKY WALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM). So, RYAN finally got to the WILDCAT STATUE.)

RYAN: (thinks to himself) What the hell is he doing there? (puts hand on WILDCAT STATUE)

WILDCAT STATUE: RAARGH!

RYAN: Aah!

WILDCAT STATUE: Don't touch me again, you tease, or I'll rip your body and eat you limb by limb!

RYAN: I'm a tease?

WILDCAT STATUE: Whatever you kids call each other these days, you fag.

RYAN: I'm not gay!

WILDCAT STATUE: With that attire? I say you were.

RYAN: I can't be metro?

WILDCAT STATUE: In my world, there's no such thing as metro.

RYAN: But you're a statue….

SORA: He's probably a Heartless or a Nobody! Get away from him!

RIKKU (the blonde perky one… not the boy with silver hair): Don't mind Sora. He's on his "Killing Nobodies and Heartless Streak".

WILDCAT STATUE: We're real all right.

RYAN: I'd like to see if you are!

(WILDCAT STATUE scratches RYAN'S face.)

…

RYAN: (screams in pain) OOOOOOWWWWWWW!

SORA: Stand back! I'll take care off him.

WILDCAT STATUE: (really loud) ROAR!

SORA: (says quickly) I'm going to talk to Leon/Squall.

RYAN: And I wonder why my sister thinks he's hot.

(TROY, oblivious to all of the commotion going on around him, walks away briskly from the list. SHARPAY walks down the hallway.)

RYAN: (sneaks up on SHARPAY) Hey!

SHARPAY: (startled) Aah!

RYAN: I just saw-

SHARPAY: (interrupts) Sora? I know! He's soooo hot. And I saw Luke Skywalker, too. In his Hayden Christensen form.

RYAN: I was about to say-

SHARPAY: That Kairi should die and leave Sora to me?

RYAN: No….. I was going to say-

SHARPAY: That Roxas is totally hot even though Jesse McCartney does the voice for him but now I think that I'm starting like Jesse McCartney?

RYAN: Uhm…

SHARPAY: That Aerith a stupid person and Tifa has just way big boobs?

RYAN: …

SHARPAY: That Zidane should just chop off his tail and be a normal guy?

RYAN: Why are you my sister?

SHARPAY: It's your fault you play video games and I think everyone is hot.

RYAN: So anyways-

SHARPAY: I saw that alien dude from "Halo". I think it was Arbi-

RYAN: (is now annoyed) I saw Troy Bolton looking at the list, dammit! Why do you have to be some impossible?

SHARPAY: Because, I'm just like that?

RYAN: You stupid wannabe blonde.

SHARPAY: Excuse me?

RYAN: You dyed your hair blonde!

SHARPAY: (is now on the verge of tears) Shut up!

RYAN: You looked hotter when you were brunette!

SHARPAY: I hate you!

RYAN: It's your fault! The feeling is mutual!

(Silence…)

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Uhm… I'm just going to freeze time here… like it happens in KH2…

(Time is frozen.)

RAINING BLOSSOMS: Kinky Finkelstein, if you are reading this, use your imagination to uhm… make that whole fight scene between SHARPAY and RYAN uhm… to be… you know… what you wanted… ergh… scroll all the way up to see the response to your review or just hit HOME. Yeah.. I'm outtie.

(Time is unfrozen! Snappizles!)

SHARPAY: What was he doing looking at the list?

RYAN: I don't know…

SHARPAY: (gasps) Maybe it was that Vanessa girl!

EVERYBODY: (corrects SHARPAY) GABRIELLA!

SHARPAY: Whatever her name is. She was interacting with Zac-

EVERYBODY: (corrects SHARPAY once more) TROY!

SHARPAY: (scoffs) Does it matter!

EVERYBODY: Well… yeah…

SHARPAY: Well, she seems too smart for her own good….

RYAN: Let's stalk her!

SHARPAY: (disgusted) That's not my style.

RYAN: Uh, let's look her up on the internet!

SHARPAY: (happily) Sure! Off to the computer lab!

(Little did SHARPAY know that looking people up on the internet was stalking…. DUHN DUHN DOHN!)

-----------------------------

The compooper station!

-----------------------------

(SHARPAY and RYAN reach the compooper station. SHARPAY sits down and types in…)

RYAN: Vanessa Anne Hudgens? You seriously need to get your names straight.

SHARPAY: F you.

(SHARPAY types in…)

RYAN: George Clooney?

SHARPAY: (nervously) Whoops.. typo… hehehe…

(Ochay. Let's try this again. SHARPAY types in…)

RYAN: Sarah Michelle Gellar? Sharpay! Stop being retarded!

SHARPAY: Fine! You do it!

(SHARPAY gets up, making the chair squeek an eerie squeek… no wait… scratch that. Making the chair scrape an eerie scrape. Everybody looks at her.)

SHARPAY: What are you staring at, huh?

(She then does that ghetto thing her she throws her body forward in a sudden movement and with her arms behind her and slowly retracts. Well… RAINING BLOSSOMS doesn't know how to explain/type it….)

RYAN: (types in GABRIELLA MONTEZ) Ochay.

(Results of her come up.)

SHARPAY: (puts her finger on the screen) Click that one.

COMPUTER SUPERVISOR: (scolding) Sharpay! Get that dirty finger off that computer monitor screen!

SHARPAY: Make me. (sticks her tongue out at the COMPUTER SUPERVISOR)

(COMPUTER SUPERVISOR goes up to SHARPAY and yanks her hand off the screen, making SHARPAY lose her balance.. almost.)

SHARPAY: (under her breath) Buttdonkey.

COMPUTER SUPERVISOR: Stop thinking you're all Miss Blondie here who is really hot and all that cheez-its when you're not!

(COMPUTER SUPERVISOR walks away, leaving SHARPAY in tears.)

SHARPAY: Does the world hate me?

RYAN: Suck it up, Sharpay.

(SHARPAY's tears somehow go back into her eyes.)

SHARPAY: What have you found?

RYAN: It seems to me that Gabriella is a chick who won a trophy for something…

SHARPAY: Read the damn thing, Ryan.

RYAN: (reads the paragraph) Won the Scholastic Decathlon.

SHARPAY: Oh my. Another nerd.

GEEK GIRL: She doesn't look like a nerd. She looks like a geek.

GEEK GUY: Yeah, like us.

SHARPAY: (looks at GEEK GUY with interest) Whoa. You're hot.

GEEK GUY: You're smexy.

RYAN: Huh?

GEEK GUY: Smashing and sexy.

RYAN: Wow…. Who'd ever thought of that.

GEEK GIRL: He did.

RYAN: No sheet.

SHARPAY: What are we going to do about her?

RYAN: Hmmm…

(SHARPAY and RYAN think and GEEK GIRL and GUY walk away.)

SHARPAY: I got it!

RYAN: What?

SHARPAY: Make her join the girls' swimming team!

RYAN: (mutters) Today is one of those days where I wish you weren't blonde.

SHARPAY: Huh?

RYAN: Make her join the Scholastic Decathlon Team.

SHARPAY: That's really smart of you! I'm proud to call you my brother!

RYAN: (mutters again) I thought she was supposed to be the smart one. It was like that in the movie.

SHARPAY: Come on! Let's print this recommendation for her! Or shall I say behind her?

RYAN: I think you said it already.

SHARPAY: Jackbutt.

RYAN: Slut.

SHARPAY: Butthole!

RYAN: Whore.

SHARPAY: Bastard.

RYAN: Female dog.

SHARPAY: D(blah)che!

RYAN: Blonde wannabe.

SHARPAY: Fag.

RYAN: Bulimic.

(BURN!)

SHARPAY: (about to cry) I hate you.

RYAN: I hate you, too. Now stop being such a gay-donkey emo and help me here.

(SHARPAY made her tears go back in to her eyes again. So, bravo for her. The recommendation gets printed out and SHARPAY, having uber-overextended fingers, shuts down the printer.)

--------------------------------

Detention (RAINING BLOSSOMS style. DARBUS is a retard and doesn't know how to do a detention like RAINING BLOSSOMS)

--------------------------------

(DARBUS is walking through the students, scattered across the stage: upstage, downstage, backstage, and the place for quick-changes. Oh yeah. The audience.)

DARBUS: (to a student that's sewing) Paint! Come on!

(The student looks at her like she's crazy. DARBUS walks away and to the tree.)

DARBUS: What do you want, Chad?

CHAD: To get out of detention?

DARBUS: Sure.

CHAD: (with hope in his eyes) Really?

DARBUS: When pigs fly.

(In the background, there's a scenery where pigs are flying.)

CHAD: Yes! I can go! Sweet victory!

DARBUS: You're not going.

CHAD: When will I go?

DARBUS: When hell freezes over.

(In the background, there's another scenery that shows what looks like hell freezing over.)

CHAD: (punches the air with his fist) FREEDOM!

DARBUS: Dammit! (to PERSON WHO IS MEDDLING WITH THE SCENERY) Hey, person who is meddling with the scenery! Stop it this instance!

PERSON WHO IS MEDDLING WITH THE SCENERY: Sure.

DARBUS: Thank you.

(DARBUS turns around and sees CHAD running up the pathway to the door in the audience.)

DARBUS: (yells to CHAD)Get back here, Danforth!

CHAD: (yells back at DARBUS) Like HELL I will!

DARUBS: (to the students in the audience) GET HIM!

(The students all of a sudden go into demon mode and start chasing CHAD like wild animals.)

CHAD: Ahh! My super athletic skills won't save me now!

(The students roar and neigh and bark and do monkey noises and do things that animals do and chase CHAD… still.)

DARBUS: (laughs evilly) HAHAHA! You'll never escape me!

CHAD: What am I going to do?

COMMERCIAL GIRL: You need…. (brings out a gunblade…supposedly SQUALL/LEON's) a gunblade!

CHAD: You mean the one that Seifer and Squall slash Leon uses!

COMMERCIAL GIRL: Yeah! With this, you can defeat many monsters! (close-up to her face) Or in this case, rabid-animal students!

CHAD: Wow! That's cool!

COMMERCIAL GIRL: Go ahead! (gives CHAD the gunblade) Try it!

(CHAD takes it, but before he slashed a person with the gunblade…..)

SQUALL/LEON: (roars) GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN GUNBLADE!

(CHAD squeaks and throws it at the COMMERCIAL GIRL.)

COMMERCIAL GIRL: Oh no….

SQUALL/LEON: RAARGH!

(COMMERCIAL GIRL starts running around and screaming while be chased by SQUALL/LEON.)

COMMERCIAL GIRL: I was doing it (pant) for a (pant) good (pant) cause!

SQUALL/LEON: WELL YOUR CAUSE WAS A HOMO-BUTT THING TO DO!

COMMERCIAL GIRL: Don't kill me! I love you, Squall slash Leon! I seriously think you're hot!

SQUALL/LEON: WHO CARES!

(Well, while that was happening, CHAD ran and hid in the tree. TROY was just staring at him.)

TROY: You're really stupid. Hiding behind a tree… gosh.

CHAD: I'd like to see you try to run away from SQUALL slash LEON.

TROY: For the last time, it's SQUALL.

CHAD: But it's really LEON!

TROY: First name counts more!

CHAD: Yeah, but in Japan, they put the last names first! So basically, LEON counts more!

TROY: But that's in JAPAN! In AMERICA, first name counts!

CHAD: But he's a mister!

TROY: He's only seventeen for chrissakes!

CHAD: He's not seventeen! He's like, twenty something!

TROY: How do you know?

CHAD: Because in Kingdom Hearts, he looks waay older!

TROY: Why are we arguing?

CHAD: No clue…

(Over to Vanes-gerrrhghghgaksdjf;ilasdf.. Over to GABRIELLA.)

GABRIELLA: (happily painting the moon) I love you, moon. You're so pretty, and so…. Sharp…. And so… round… and so…. Gray…. It reminds me of my…. Uh…. The moon in the sky!

(Mary Mar—asdkfj;aksdjf;kja;skdfksdfn; dammit! TAYLOR comes in with papers in her hands. SHARPAY and ryan…. Guh…. RYAN watch from behind the moon….)

TAYLOR: We accept!

GABRIELLA: (tries so hard to be clueless) Gasp! What?

TAYLOR: We decided to let you in the Scholastic Decathlon Team because you're uber smart and we need you!

GABRIELLA: So you're just using me?

TAYLOR: Yeah! Duh!

GABRIELLA: That's horrible.

TAYLOR: Don't worry. The basketball team is using Troy.

GABRIELLA: Fo'rills?

TAYLOR: Fo' sho!

GABRIELLA: Snapple! (pause..) Wait… I didn't even signed up!

TAYLOR: (gasps) Then who did?

(The "Who Stole the Cookie" song comes playing..)

GABRIELLA: (sings) Who signed my name in the SDT form? (points at moon) Was it you?

(The moon doesn't answer.)

GABRIELLA: Yes, you!

(Yet again, doesn't answer.)

GABRIELLA: Then who?

(She walks over to the blonde twins.)

GABRIELLA: Who signed my name in the STD form?

SHARPAY and RYAN: HAHAHAHAHA!

RYAN: Holy crapness!

SHARPAY: You're such a funny girl.

(And they're laughing…. And laughing…. And then they fell down to the floor still laughing with tears in their eyes.)

GABRIELLA: Why are you laughing at me?

SHARPAY: 'Cause you said STD! Holy crap!

TAYLOR: Wow… I mean… that's like… funny.

(TAYLOR starts laughing.)

GABRIELLA: Omigosh… This is worse than saying "DUTY."

(By now, everybody started laughing except for some selected people.)

EVERYBODY: Hahahahahaha! Duty!

RANDOM: Pooper scooper!

RANDOM (again): DUTY!

GABRIELLA: Gosh… and I thought I was immature… gosh…

TAYLOR: But it's really funny!

RYAN: Hahahahahhaa… duty… funny butt poop…

GABRIELLA: Well… was it you?

SHARPAY: We ain't tellin' you!

GABRIELLA: And you ain't ghetto.

RYAN: White people can be ghetto!

GABRIELLA: And you're ghetto with those outfits?

(SHARPAY and RYAN look at their outfits, and then each others.)

SHARPAY: Hellyes.

TAYLOR: Right.

DARBUS: (sneaks into their conversation) I like talking, too, you know. But I'd only talk if it were me.

GABRIELLA: You talk to yourself?

DARBUS: I don't know.

TAYLOR: Uh….

GABRIELLA: We're going to go back to, uhm…. Yeah.. What we were doing before….

DARBUS: It's so nice to see such lovely pretty ugly faces!

SHARPAY: You're pretty.

DARBUS: (flattered) Why, thank you!

SHARPAY: Pretty ugly!

DARBUS: (disgusted) Get out of my face.

CHAD and TROY in the tree: Raargh! We're going to eat you! (waves branches in the air)

--------------------------

The gym…. Where sweaty people sweat?

--------------------------

JACK: (in a cheery mood) Alright guys! Tournament is in two weeks! We are going to win this!

TEAM: (shouts with gusto) Yeah!

JACK: And we will bring the cup home!

TEAM: (almost hesitant) Yeah!

JOCK#1: (whispers) I thought the tournament was held here.

JOCK#2: (whispers….) That's what I thought, too.

JACK: (still in a cheery mood) And where is Troy and Chad?

TEAM: Yeah!

JACK: Where's Troy and Chad?

TEAM: (shouts since they're in a cheery mood because JACK is) In detention! Whoo!

JOCK #1: Wait….

(TEAM looks to where the coach was, only to see air. They heard a door slam.)

JOCK #2: Great job guys! Let's play some ball!

-----------------------

You know where we are?

-----------------------

(DARBUS is talking nonsense, TROY and CHAD are running around the tree, GABRIELLA is admiring the moon, SHARPAY and RYAN are talking to COMMERCIAL GIRL, TAYLOR is MIA. If you don't know what that means, then you're lost. It means MISSING IN ACTION. RAINING BLOSSOMS is pretty sure you know it's meaning.)

DARBUS: And I love the arts! The trees are blue, the sky is green, and I feel like swimming in a field of chestnuts! I feel like dancing! And singing!

SHARPAY: Oh hell no.

DARBUS: (sings) LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, ON BROADWAY!

RYAN: She doesn't know the darn song!

SHARPAY: I hate her singing. What made her like the arts anyways?

RYAN: Does she even know which arts we're doing?

SHARPAY: Ugh…

JACK: (calls out) DARBUS! Where's my team? (sees TROY and CHAD being retarded and being cows jumping over the moon) And why are they singing nursery rhymes!

DARBUS: (sings even harder) LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, ON BROADWAY!

JACK: That's it. (yells) Troy! Chad! Get over here you stupid little piece of butt!

(TROY and CHAD stop being Arabian knights that tried to ride the camel onstage and speed across the stage, through the seats, and out the door.)

JACK: (to the singing one) I want to talk to you! NOW!

-----------------------

I'm stopping it thurr… because… it's too long?


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: what do you think?

Note: Now that it is summer, I have more time to update this story. Wait, I lied. I don't even know what I'm doing this summer. Now that it's half over. And I changed my pen name because I want it to be funny and stupid and utter nonsense. And It is!

**ST4RTxOF.SOM3TH1NGxN3Wx3** – The whole cookie thing was in my head winks.

**If I never knew you**– Hahahaha. Holy hell… wow… The random things just roll out of the brain, dear.

**Rawr. It's Amanda** – That's awesome! Wow! Hahahahah… that is soooo awesome! The spider… wooww…

**Sexyredhead** – omigosh.. don't hurt yourself! Omigosh! That happens to my friend a lot…

**Cookiedoughmunchkin** – yup… Twinkie Towne… sounds tasty like your pen name!

Not as much, but, it will do

-------------------

Let Us Continue With the Movie… ergh… Parody!

-------------------

(Okay. So. Here's an overall view of what happened so far.)

VANKLSJL;jwfjsdjf…

(Ahem.)

GABRIELLA: Hi, I'm Gabriella.

TROY: Hi, I'm Troy.

GABRIELLA: It's amazing how we go to the same school!

TROY: Totally! And we have detention together! Yay!

GABRIELLA: Yeah! And then Sharpay comes out of thin air and I said that her handwriting was putrid!

TROY: You did?

GABRIELLA: Yeah, and she asked me how I knew you and if we really got it on.

(TROY is creeped out. Well, creeped is not a word seeing the red squiggly underneath the darn word.)

GABRIELLA: So anyways, I was adoring the moon, and you and Chad were running around the tree!

TROY: And our teammates betrayed us! Yay!

GABRIELLA: I think we're forgetting something…

SHARPAY: (scoffs) We put you in that stupid STD thing… remember?

(RYAN bursts out laughing and is hit with SHARPAY's stupid little handbag.)

COMMERCIAL GIRL: Hey guys!

(Everyone turns around to see COMMERCIAL GIRL beaten up badly.)

TROY: And what the hell happened to you?

COMMERCIAL GIRL: Well, I was born.

GABRIELLA: No, duh.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: What the hell am I doing?

SHARPAY: Hey! This is our story! (pushes OH SHIZL GZNGAHR out of the fanfiction.)

RYAN: …So…

-------------

la

-------------

JACK: I cannot believe you had to go all RAARGH on them and put them in detention! What did they do?

DARBUS: Annoy the heck out of me!

ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM: May the force be with you.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Is it just me or has anyone noticed that Hayden Christensen was **Anakin** Skywalker, not Luke Skywalker?

JACK: I did. Now get away from me, you Jedi traitor! And you stupid authoress!

(The authoress hid because she has nothing better to do.)

DARBUS: Is it me or has the room become hot all of a sudden? (fans herself)

MATSUI: (mumbles) I really have to talk to science teacher about this… (clears his throat) I want you (points at ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM) to get out and you two (points and the "two") to stop fighting!

DARBUS and JACK: We weren't fighting.

MATSUI: Sure, whatever. Anyways, how's the team coach?

JACK: What?

MATSUI: Stop fighting.

DARBUS: Eh?

MATSUI: You two are being utterly ridiculous.

DARBUS: It's you who needs mental help! Anyways! (turns to JACK) Your kid has been very naughty and Darbus decided to give him punishment!

JACK: Well, Jack thinks that Darbus is perverted.

(Meanwhile, MATSUI shoots a paper ball into the waste basket. No… A basketball into the basketball hoop!)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: This is so out of order.

DARBUS: There's more to this school than very handsome young men is tight shorts and pants scattering all over the field to a row a boat!

JACK: What the hell? I think you got football mixed with someone in some kind of canoe race or something.

DARBUS: What?

JACK: What?

DARBUS: Want to have a smoke?

JACK: No.

(And OH SHIZL GZNGAHR is looking at her work so far and is thinking she is retarded.)

-------------------

THE GYM WHERE PERSONAL HYGIENE IS SMELLED! Yay.

-------------------

(A whistle is blown and everybody runs up to the line and stands straight.)

JACK: (yells out) ATTEND, HUT!

ZEKE: What? Did you say that wrong?

JACK: Well, it sounds like they say that in those military movies. Anyways, SHUT UP.

ZEKE: Yes ma'am. I mean, sir. Mr. Bolton. COACH.

JACK: Championship is in two weeks! And we are going to bring the cup home!

(The basketball players look at each other.)

JOCK #1: Uhm, sir. Isn't the game being played here?

JACK: What?

JOCK #3: The game is being played here sir.

JACK: So?

JOCK #2: Well, you said we were bringing the cup home.

JACK: And?

JASON: Hey look! Eight J's so far!

CHAD: Hah! I ruined it!

JACK: (to CHAD and JASON) Shut up you two! (turns to the JOCKS) So, what are you trying to say?

JOCK #1: How are we bringing the cup home if home is here?

JACK: Oh no. We're not bringing it here. I was talking about me and Troy. Or me and Troy. Wait… I just said that. I meant Troy and I. Whatever. We're bringing it home. To our house. Comprehenday?

JOCK #2: What? You know I don't speak Spanish! You're just like my dog Baxter! Always speaking Spanish to me.

JOCK #3: Is this some evil diabolical plan that you set up?

TROY: I'm not a part of this.

CHAD: Yes, you are! You traitorous villain you! You scandalous felony! You drop-dead gorgeous hottie!

TROY: What?

CHAD: I'm bi.

TROY: That's nice. Anyways, I have no part in this!

JACK: We were talking about this, Troy, remember?

TROY: No. When?

JACK: Ooh. I think I used some short-term memory loss serum on you so you would forget what we had planned.

TROY: You did? Some father you are.

RANDOM JOCK: (yells) MUTINY!

EVERYONE BESIDES JACK: YEAH!

ZEKE: And we're going to take the Black Pearl with us!

(EVERYONE turns and looks at him.)

JASON: Zeke, this isn't PoC.

ZEKE: Really? Fine! I'll take that key to the dead man's chest then!

CHAD: Dude, what the hell are you talking about?

TROY: I think you should stop watching movies at night, Zeke. Oh, and spoiling the movie for us!

ZEKE: That's Captain Zeke, to you! (emphasizes Captain)

JACK: Shut up Captain Zeke. So, we're going to win this stupid basketball tournament, right?

JOCK #3: Why are you calling it stupid? Don't you realize this means the world to us?

JOCK #2: Didn't it have some meaning to you?

JACK: No. Let's do this!

(Okay. So, everyone was confused of what they were feeling. They could be mad, sad, happy, angry (which is practically the same thing as mad) or gay. Yeah. Gay. So some cheered, some jeered, some bounced around thinking they're in a land with fairies and bunnies and magical unicorns, and some were actually copping a feel. That's very kinky!)

CHAD: (meekly and quietly) What team?

(And somehow, everyone heard them.)

EVERYONE: AGAINST JACK!

JACK: What?

EVERYONE: SHWILDCATSH!

----------------------

So… how's life?

----------------------

(GABRIELLA and TAYLOR are walking around the school campus rolling their cute little backpacks like they're in kindergarten! Well, the last time OH SHIZL GZNGAHR had a rolling backpack was like, fifth grade. Fine, sixth. She was a loser.)

TAYLOR: Did you know that we have never won yet?

GABRIELLA: Now I do. And I care because?

TAYLOR: You're joining!

GABRIELLA: What?

TAYLOR: STD? Ring a bell?

GABRIELLA: When I think of that, I think of gonorrhea and syphilis.

TAYLOR: OOH! I mean SDT! Sorry!

GABRIELLA: Well, no. I'm not joining, because I'd rather feel like going to go and look around and get fit in which I don't know how to do and I don't want to join any activities even though I do but I'm like "Oh! I don't think I should do that!" and so it sucks really badly for me and the sky was turning green and the clouds didn't really taste like marshmallows and the camel from the theatre never really jumped over the moon.

(And TAYLOR is like WTF? OMFG! WTFDSS? In other words…)

TAYLOR: WHERE THE FREEZE? OLIVER MADDEN FOR GOVERNOR! WHEN THE FORMULA DIES SOMETHING SPLASHES!

GABRIELLA: Totally! What?

TAYLOR: So, the SDT!

GABRIELLA: Yeah! No! I meant no!

TAYLOR: Too late! Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk.

(And YUFFIE, with her great ninja skills just randomly comes along.)

YUFFIE: Hey! I say that!

TAYLOR: Well, too bad. (looks at her) What the heck are you?

YUFFIE: I'm a ninja, yo! I'm just ninja as hell! Check out ma ninja skills!

(And with that, YUFFIE did random flips in the air and disappeared because she's ninja as hell! And then TONY HAWK appears.)

TONY HAWK: Sup.

GABRIELLA: You're not supposed to come now.

TONY HAWK: Too bad. Don't do drugs.

TAYLOR: What the heels? Anyways, you're supposed to come when Ashley-

EVERYONE AROUND TAYLOR: SHARPAY!

TAYLOR: Crap. Anyways, you're supposed to come when Sharpay is like "A;SLKDJF;LKSJDF;KJFL I'M MAD BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TONY AWARD AND TONY HAWK!" (crosses her eyes, sticks her tongue out, and lifts a lock of hair)

TONY HAWK: Okay. But don't do drugs. Because they're bad and you die!

(And with that, TONY HAWK disappears. And…)

COACH CARR: Hello. Do you know where the gym is?

GABRIELLA: (shrieks and screams and yells and does very loud things) OHMYFREAKINGCHOCOLATECARAMELCRUNCH! IT'S COACH CARR! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

(And all the girls of the campus, meaning JOCK GIRLS, GEEK GIRLS, NERD GIRLS, COOL ASIAN GIRLS, NERDY ASIAN GIRLS, COOL BLACK GIRLS, FEMALE SPANISH HOTTIES, GOTH GIRLS, EMO GIRLS, FEMALE HIPPIES, FEMALES OUTCASTS, FEMALE ART FREAKS, LESBIANS, BISEXUAL GIRLS, THE ODDLY SEX-CRAZED FEMALES, CHEERLEADERS, and all the girls in between emptied the schoolyard, leaving JOCK GUYS, GEEK GUYS, NERD GUYS, COOL ASIAN GUYS, NERDY ASIAN GUYS, COOL BLACK GUYS, MALE SPANISH HOTTIES, GOTH GUYS, EMO BOYS, MALE HIPPIES, MALE OUTCATS, aksjdf;ljksdfkjals;df. Well, you get the painting.)

COACH CARR: But, I just want to become a gym teacher.

RANDOM JOCK GUY: Yeah! And you'll probably make-out with our girlfriends! GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR SCHOOL!

THE MALE POPULATION: (yells) YEAH!

COACH CARR: I'm a changed man! I don't kiss girls younger than the age of 15!

EVERYONE: ROAR!

(And with that, COACH CARR was chased out of the school and all the females came back.)

GABRIELLA: So, anyways… Uhm, we were talking about something about cheerleaders… were we not?

TAYLOR: We were probably about to. I forgot what we were talking about while we were gone.

GABRIELLA: Yeah… Something about us not understanding their language?

TAYLOR: Oh yeah! See, if you speak like this…

(TAYLOR goes up to the CHEERLEADERS.)

TAYLOR: So if you multiply 2x and 10y and divided that by pi you'll most likely find the area of a pentagon!

RED-HEAD CHEERLEADER: I knew that.

TAYLOR: Wrong! Octagon!

BRUNETTE CHEERLEADER: What are you like talking about, you nerd!

GABRIELLA: Actually, she's a geek because she's pretty but-

UGLY CHEERLEADER: Shut up! You're not pretty either.

TAYLOR: And what are you?

SPANISH CHEERLEADER: And what is that supposed to mean?

TAYLOR: It means that you should go and dunk your stupid heads in the-

GABRIELLA: BLONDE DYE! Yeah! Dunk it in blonde dye and you'll all be total hotties and yeah! Not that I'm stereotypical or anything but it's just that… BLONDES ARE HOTTER THAN ALL HUMAN RACES?

BLONDE CHEERLEADER: I know!

ASIAN CHEERLEADER: Like Troy Bolton!

CHEERLEADERS: OMIGOSH!

GABRIELLA: What?

TAYLOR: Actually, he's not blonde…

BLONDE CHEERLEADER: You do not know the true colors of us blondes.

UGLY CHEERLEADER: He is blonde, too!

TAYLOR: Then you must be colorblind because those shoes do not match that little skanky costume you have on.

RED-HEAD CHEERLEADER: What did you say?

TAYLOR: Oh? Deaf too? Maybe because you put massive amounts of gel and hairspray and mousse! You put so much that you can't hear anything!

BRUNETTE CHEERLEADER: Like, why are we fighting! I think we should just calm down and breathe in the fantasy of nature!

UGLY CHEERLEADER: Then why don't you go and join those freakin' hippies?

BRUNETTE CHEERLEADER: Maybe I will!

(And she went off to join the HIPPIES.)

ASIAN CHEERLEADER: If she's leaving, then I'm leaving, too! I've always been left out in this group anyways and my old friends called me white-washed! Raargh!

(And she went to join the ASIANS.)

BLACK CHEERLEADER: Yo, I'm outtie. Too girly for me.

UGLY CHEERLEADER: Fine! Why don't you all leave!

(And they all did and went to their respective cliques, leaving THE UGLY ONE standing there. And then she started to scream with her mouth closed and then slid up a tree.)

TAYLOR: See what I mean?

GABRIELLA: I don't think I'll ever survive in a world like that.

TAYLOR: Yeah, tell me about it. Talking to people with an IQ lower than a rock.

GABRIELLA: No. I mean if I was a cheerleader and you were talking to me, I'd go ballistic because you were being so mean.

TAYLOR: Aw, deal with it. That's how I am. Hard as nails.

(GABRIELLA knocks on TAYLOR's arm.)

GABRIELLA: Not really.

TAYLOR: It's a figurative speech, darling. Oh my, don't tell me you have an IQ lower than a jock!

GABRIELLA: What?

TAYLOR: Yeah.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: So… what part was next?

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR opens a new window and goes onto youtube to watch the movie… for the tenth time. Or, a part of it.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Ew!

GABRIELLA: What?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (points at GABRIELLA) You were like my nail beds are history.

TAYLOR: So?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (points at TAYLOR) And you agreed or said somehow – even though you didn't say anything – that your nail beds was too!

GABRIELLA: And I thought you weren't girly.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: I'm not. I'm just freaked out about that part when Taylor goes "Hehehe! Sister!"

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR threw laughing fits. Well, can't really throw laughing fits.)

TAYLOR: Uhm… On to Troy's scene with the father!

-------------------

What TAYLOR said!

-------------------

(TROY and JACK are playing basketball. Like always. Everyday after school. Man. He seriously needs another sport like hockey or baseball or football or soccer. Maybe lacrosse or track. Whatever. So TROY obviously has a lot on his mind because he's losing by ten points. No wait. Let's make that one-hundred points, just to be mean.)

JACK: I'm still geeking about the fact you got detention! So what did you do man?

TROY: What?

JACK: What did you do to get detention?

TROY: Oh you know. Just a little, uhm… flirting?

JACK: Ooh! You've got your old man's genes!

TROY: Eh… So anyways! Did you ever think about doing something else?

JACK: Like going right?

TROY: No! What? I thought you say like going left!

JACK: Oh shizl gzngahr wouldn't let me. So I'm saying going right.

TROY: Oh, okay. Well, not like going right. Like doing something else that's completely different. What your friends might not approve of and they think it's a really bad thing.

(This is the dramatic part! Wait… Never mind. OH SHIZL GZNGAHR would delete what she typed, but she's just too last. Skdjfz;ksdf;lkjzs;dlfj ;z lazy.)

JACK: What, like taking part in Donut's auditions?

TROY: (nervous) Wh-what!

JACK: (laughs) Aw, I'm just playing you, son! Well anyways here's what I say.

(TROY listens attentively but all he hears is silence.)

JACK: Okay?

TROY: But, dad… I didn't even hear you say anything!

JACK: Oh… I forgot that you can't read my mind. Ugh. Man, I wish you had your mom's powers!

TROY: Mom's not a psychic.

JACK: Forget I said anything.

TROY: What the heck are you talking about?

JACK: Well, this is what I said. Maybe they're not your friends. And that was my whole point about team today!

TROY: But you didn't even talk about team today!

JACK: Yes, I did!

TROY: Why don't you scroll up!

(JACK scrolled up and saw he was talking about his evil, diabolical plan about taking the cup home.)

JACK: Oh… Uhm… forget it. So, yeah, son. Why don't you go shoot the ball?

TROY: Why?

JACK: Because that happens next?

TROY: Fo' rills?

JACK: Told you not to talk like that when I'm around.

TROY: Right.

(And then TROY shoots the basketball and then dies. LKSJD;JA;ZSDKLFJZ;LKSDFJ HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Okay. That was a lie. He just fell down exhausted. Kkjsdfkjas;dfkl).

TROY: I do not fall down. That's later in the movie, you stupid deodorant!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Oh… whatever. Why don't you just fall down exhausted now! Or even better! DIE!

TROY: Uhm… that's okay.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Good boy.

-------------------

Well… It would end here… but then this chapter would be pointless… no?

-------------------

(Now we see the East High School. Hey! If there's a West High and an East High, is there a North High and South High? Well, anyways, some slow retarded version with no words and just drums and a guitar of "We're All in This Together" is playing. And then we see the homeroom where amazingly all the important people are excluding JACK and GIRL WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED UNTIL AUDITIONS! SHARPAY is standing next to DARBUS's desk.)

SHARPAY: (gives present) Just something for you! Tee hee!

(DARBUS looks at it oddly and then the camera moves to SHARPAY walking to her seat. And then everybody comes in before the school bell rings. Yawn. This is boring. OOH! LOOK! Ergh… rather… READ! TROY and GABRIELLA looked at each other and TROY is on Cloud Nine!)

TROY: Stop telling lies! Gosh!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: That's the whole points of this story! It's supposed to be not true! HENCE FANFICTION YOU DUMBBUTT! Now act like you're on Cloud Nine!

(TROY mumbles and then acts like he's on Cloud Nine. CHAD looks at him oddly and TROY says that he's fine. DARBUS stands in the middle of the classroom.)

DARBUS: (in her boomingly loud voice…) Okay! I hope you all have your manners back! Because vacation is over!

EVERYONE: ROAR!

DARBUS: That was random. Anyways… TROY!

TROY: Yes'm?

DARBUS: Stop looking at Gabriella!

EVERYONE BUT TROY AND GABRIELLA: Ooh!

DARBUS: And stop acting like you're in fourth grade! Never "Ooh!" in my class! That's rule number 62!

JASON: And what are the other 61 rules?

DARBUS: I would tell you, but it's too long and you would die! As much as I want that, I wouldn't want to get arrested and sent to jail! And I certainly hope that you don't want that!

JASON: Well, you getting sent to jail, yeah, I want that. But me dying, uhm, I'm just too young for that emo shiz.

DARBUS: Emo?

JASON: (acts clueless) What?

DARBUS: Anyways, today is the day for the auditions because free period is going to begin until whatever time I say so.

ZEKE: Auditions for what?

DARBUS: The spring musical! You pronounce that –cal as the cal- in calculus.

SHARPAY: Isn't it the winter musicale?

DARBUS: Oh… Yeah! Winter musical! And Sharpay, I can't believe it but you said it wrong.

SHARPAY: Uh… how exactly?

DARBUS: You said musicale, the -cale that rhymes with mail.

SHARPAY: Uh…

DARBUS: Well, auditions are today! Sharpay! Do that thing where you look at your brother and then you turn back and clap your hands.

SHARPAY: Why? I'll just look like a retard doing it.

TAYLOR: (being mean as always) You always look like a retard when doing that.

SHARPAY: Excuse me? Oh no you didn't!

TAYLOR: Oh yes I did girlfriend!

GABRIELLA: Do you always have to be mean?

TAYLOR: It's not mean, Gabriella. It's sarcasm! Enjoy the taste of it dripping off your tongue!

GABRIELLA: I can't taste anything.

TAYLOR: (sighs) It's a figurative speech, dear.

GABRIELLA (acting like Corrie from Suite Life): Oh!

DARBUS: Shut up! My goodness! Anyways…

(We'll just skip the shiznit where DARBUS goes all poetic and shiznits like "Oh, how the window breaks on yonder's face! Thy soul shall be saved!" No wait… Actually, that was a lie. She goes all "Art is the cleansing of the soul!" Well… that was a partial lie. She says that in the detention thing. "Expand your creativitiy!" There you go!)

CHAD: She's retarded.

(CHAD giggles about it and then TROY just fake-giggled. Uh… Yes! Giggled! Do you have a problem with boys giggling? Oh! Now she goes all Shakespearean!)

----------------

THE HALLWAY WHERE RYAN WENT ALL JAMES BOND

----------------

(oas;ldkfkkll lkorweoioie1834j8 lkzsfkwaekjrvoiekvd,.jl;fik)

TROY: What the hell?

(We see TROY putting his books back in the locker. Well, let's just pretend he has books. He starts walking down the hallway and dodges the sexually active couple, the football, a pen, some fight, and a tuba. But he didn't manage to dodge CHAD.)

CHAD: So, Troy! The boys and I are going to go practice and play some basketball! Wait… That was like the same thing.

TROY: Well, too bad. I can't go.

CHAD: And why is that?

TROY: Because I have homework to catch up on.

CHAD: Yo, check it. I was behind on homework ever since Pre-K.

TROY: Wow. That's horrible. How the hell did you get to high school?

CHAD: What do you mean?

TROY: I mean, you've been behind since Pre-K. You said it yourself. The amazing thing is that you never got left back.

CHAD: My dad has connections.

TROY: Sweet! Did he like threaten the principal?

CHAD: More like bribed him. No wait! He did! But I'm just not sure how.

TROY: Nice. Anyways, see you later!

(And then TROY makes a left. Well, our left. His right. He leaves CHAD standing there.)

CHAD: Homework? Psh… no way!

(And now is CHAD's turn to go all James Bond! And he seemed to be doing it wrong by walking in to everything that is in his way.)

JAMES BOND: No, son, you're doing it wrong.

CHAD: Oh wow! James Bond! Can I get special lessons!

JAMES BOND: Certainly. You need it. So the first step is stealth.

CHAD: No! I mean on getting the ladies! All the girls flock you!

JAMES BOND: Not anymore. I'm old.

CHAD: (points at something behind JAMES BOND) Well, what is that right there?

(JAMES BOND looks and sees female teachers stalking him.)

JAMES BOND: Gotta go, mate.

CHAD: But I thought you were British!

(And then JAMES BOND jumped out the window in that slow motion kind of thing. You know where like in action movies the person jumps out the window (and breaks it) and then it goes all slow motion and then you see the person and the glass falling slowly and then the person reaches the ground and everything goes to normal speed? Yeah. That kinda happened.)

CHAD: Right… so… Troy!

(CHAD sees TROY walking in to a classroom. CHAD sees him talking to some student and then JOCK #1 goes up to him.)

JOCK #1: What's up?

CHAD: Yo.

(And then CHAD sees no TROY around! What could've possibly happened? CHAD is so confused right now, it's hilarious. And in the background we see TROY, who's just got ninja skills from YUFFIE. And then he walks off the scene. Now he's a ninja, not a JAMES BOND wannabe.)

TROY: (sings to himself) Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now! Even though I don't have to go! But it goes with the flow!

(TROY is running down the stairs. And after the first flight, he turns and goes on the second and we all see his boxers. Yep ladies. That's not a lie. But it isn't for sure. Why don't all you ladies that are madly in love with him or think he's uber hot go and watch the clip that has the title "High School Musical Part3" on it? And maybe go to 6:36 or somewhat. And then you'll see it. CHAD looks down at the stairs and sees not TROY and that was the last we saw of him. YAY!)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: We need another parentheses thing.

(And now… KJAS;ZLDKJFZLKSDF;ZSDFKLSDF;LZKJSLK You know what! We should just skip this whole thing and go to the next big thing! Actually, never mind. So we see TROY in… someplace. I don't know what. The sign is fudged up and isn't illegible in this scene. A teacher or somewhat comes out and TROY is looking up at the sky and sees Mufasa. TROY is like WTF and then after the teacher/person passes by, he crosses the… give or take six yards and reaches another wall and then… DUHN DUHN DUHN! His father comes out! TROY is like "Oh no!" and his father is like "Luke? Is that you?")

JACK: What? I have no son that has the name of Luke…

ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN HIS HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN FORM: I do. 'tis a shame that I cut his arm off.

(Well, JACK is like "Troy?" and then TROY hides behind the wall And JACK is coming to walk over. The camera gets TROY completely out of the picture and shows only JACK and then JACK looks behind the wall and the camera moves and TROY just randomly disappeared!)

TROY: 'Cause I have ninja skillaz!

YUFFIE: Right on!

(So now, we see TROY walking in the class where they study cars. We don't know why, but he hides behind a car for some odd reason. Then he goes to the exit but then he is stopped by…)

MECHANIC: What the hell are you doing here?

TROY: Long cut.

MECHANIC: Well, I must say. This long cut sure is crappy. Short cuts are supposed to be ugly and nothing interesting. Long cuts must have scenic views and nice butterflies and-

(TROY already left. Maskdfj;zsdjf;lkzjs;dlkfjzd HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So anyways… ooh! Look! The guy with the drums sticks in the background is making a move on the girl! Oh… wait… They're just the band geeks that are really hot. Oh! A hot guy holding a recorder! Sweet!)

TROY: Can we continue?

-------------------

that auditorium place where there are a lot of chairs that slide

-------------------

(TROY is uhm… pushing that janitor's thing where there is like a broom and shiznits. Man. This whole thing with TROY is getting annoying. Trying to be so cool hiding from people. But seriously, that janitor's cart? That's hilarious. And then TROY sees DARBUS and people following her like their her little slaves! Ugh! The nerve of that old hag! Oh wait… those are the people auditioning! TROY hides as DARBUS comes up on stage along with the GIRL WHO IS GOING TO BE NAMED.)

DARBUS: Must I really do this scene?

GIRL WHO IS GOING TO BE NAMED: Yes.

(DARBUS claps her hands and all attention is on her.)

DARBUS: Welcome to the spring-

EVERYONE: WINTER!

DARBUS: Musical! The –cal is pronounced as the-

EVERYONE: CAL- IN CALCULUS! WE KNOW GOSHDARNIT!

DARBUS: Okay. So, let me say this whole deeper looking into this whole theatre thing. So this is where express ourselves, blah blah blah…

(The school bell rings.)

DARBUS: (irked) Was that a cell phone?

GIRL WHO IS GOING TO BE NAMED: No, that was the school bell.

DARBUS: Oh. Anyways-

(A cell phone rings.)

DARBUS: (to GIRL IS GOING TO BE NAMED) Was that the school bell?

GIRL WHO IS GOING TO BE NAMED: No. It was your imagination.

DARBUS: Okay. Well, anyways, time is of the essence blah blah blah… Hello Troy!

(TROY is once again seen with that janitor's cart in the back of the auditorium. We do not know how he got there or somewhat. Maybe it's because he has ninja skills. Well, no one took notice of TROY so they practically ignored DARBUS.)

DARBUS: Okay. Callbacks are next week and yeah. Well, let's get going! You're going to sing some notes so I can decide if you suck or not because if your friends say you do, then you would most likely go and all emotional and jump off a building. It's better that you hear it from me. (to GIRL WHO IS BE NAMED RIGHT NOW) This is Kelsi KneeElSon!

KELSI: Uh… It's Nielson.

DARBUS: Whatever. Well, she's going to be able to help you and blah. So, let's get started… SHALL WE!

(Must we really do this? Oh wait… Yeah… well…)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: IT ENDS HERE! AKSJDF;KSDF;KLJZK;L! Oh! You people better read this! If you want to be in this story, you have put this in your review:

why you want to be in it

what color you think the sky is

what song you're going to be singing

what dance you're going to dancing

if you think Jack Sparrow died

what your name is going to be if you want to be put in it

This is all for the auditions! Okay!

TROY: Grand prize winner will receive-

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: There is no grand prize winner. Now shut up!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Is it me or do you not have common sense?

**dreamcaster555 - **What did you say!? You said "is not allowed at You'll." What was between that?! Eek. I'm afraid.

**mylifeismine** – well, you did answer one question. But, yeah.

**If I never knew you** – suit yourself, dude! You're missing a great opportunity!

**LoveLEErnie** – you go take a nap! I like naps. Makes you tall… I think.

----------------

Higaksjdf;ks;dfk ;lkj I'm lazy. HSM: AUDITIONS BABY!

----------------

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Okay! Welcome to the auditions! Here's-

DARBUS: (cuts off OH SHIZL GZNGAHR) And who made you the director of this auditon?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: I am, considering I am the authoress.

DARBUS: Well, I'm older than you!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: If I say that I'm the director, than I say that I'm the director!

DARBUS: Prove it!

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR has magically become the director of the auditions.)

DARBUS: That's lollygacks!

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR is mad.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: I can make you say whatever I want you to say!

DARBUS: Oh really?

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR is making DARBUS say something.)

DARBUS: (controlled by the script) I am an old hag and maybe you should all die because you suck.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Nyahhh!

DARBUS: I can't believe you made me say that!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Who cares!?

EVERYONE: (yells out annoyed) WE DO!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Oh… You're here?

EVERYONE: Yes!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Well, let's do this my way!

DARBUS: No! You are not the director!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: And you aren't either. You're the judge along with "So You Think You Can Dance" judge Nigel Lythgoe and "American Idol's" Simon Cowell!

(DARBUS finds herself magically poofing out and poofing back in on a chair next to NIGEL LYTHGOE and SIMON COWELL. She is somewhat flattered. But still annoyed.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Now. Let us begin with our auditions! (takes out a little paper and reads from it) You will each perform two talents: singing and dancing. Singing because you might get a part with singing and a;slkdjf;kjsdzj;kljfzsdf;ks. (rips the little paper and throws it at the back of the auditorium even though she's on the stage) Let's just say that you sing and dance something of your choice! A'IGHT?

(Takes out a clipboard and takes off her emo-looking glasses.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (calls out) Savvy the Kid!

(SAVVY THE KID runs onstage, clad in a pirate looking t-shirt. Because she loves pirates. So anyways, she stands center stage and looks at the judges with a big smile. AWWWWW!)

SAVVY THE KID: (speaks gruffly like a pirate) I will be singing "Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life For Me!" Okay!

(She then starts dancing to… nothing actually. She just sways and dances and she looks like a pirate.)

SAVVY THE KID: Yo, ho, yo, ho! A pirate's life for me!

We pillage we plunder, we rifle and loot.

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!

We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot.

Drink up me 'earties yo ho!

(And by now, everybody is basically cowering in fear because of the lyrics. Some people are really afraid that they might be kidnapped. But some girls sigh because it's EVERY girl's dream to be kidnapped by a pirate! And then the pirate calls her love! But OH SHIZL GZNGAHR never really had that dream. And neither did millions of other girls.)

SAVVY THE KID: Hey! I'm trying to sing here!

(Oh. Well, SAVVY THE KID seems to be on the third verse because the whole dialogue before was as long as the second verse.)

SAVVY THE KID: Ahem. (starts singing) Yo, ho, yo, ho!

RANDOM GIRL: Oh, she did not just call me a ho!

RANDOM GAY GUY: Oh, I think she did, honey.

SAVVY THE KID: (screams in exasperation) DAH-BAH-YEW TEE EHF! I'M TRYING TO SING A DAMN SONG, YOU IDIOTS!

(Well, she seemed to skip to the last verse! But then poor SAVVY THE KID was stopped by SIMON.)

SIMON: Well, you seem to have a good voice. Just choose a better song because people are terribly intimidated.

SAVVY THE KID: Well, that's the song. Live with it!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: And what will you be dancing, Savs?

SAVVY THE KID: It's Savvy the Kid. Not Savs. What the heck kind of name IS Savs?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: A pretty one!

SAVVY THE KID: (ignores OH SHIZL GZNGAHR) I'll be dancing… the "MACARENA!"

NIGEL: No, you won't.

SAVVY THE KID: Yes, I will! Watch me, biscuit!

(And the… "Electric Slide" comes on.)

CSIMEL: (calls out angrily) HEY! THAT'S MY SONG!

SAVVY THE KID: (to OH SHIZL GZNGAHR) What the heck happened?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (to DUDE WHO'S RETARDED AND DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK A CD PLAYER) What the heck happened?

DUDE WHO'S RETARDED AND DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK A CD PLAYER: Uh, I don't know. I just pressed this button and this song came on!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Do you know how to read?

DUDE WHO'S RETARDED AND DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK A CD PLAYER: Yesh.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Are you blind?

SAVVY THE KID: (is mad) DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE MENTALLY RETARDED?!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Hey, calm down. The dude is only four years old.

SAVVY THE KID: FOUR YEARS OLD?!

DUDE WHO'S RETARDED AND DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK A CD PLAYER: (goes all monk like) In spirit, I am four years old. I'm really seventeen!

SAVVY THE KID: Four years old, my butt! Move!

(SAVVY THE KID went all pirate on DUDE WHO'S RETARDED AND DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK A CD PLAYER and changed the CD's. It was now her song playing, which was the "Macarena!" Yay! SAVVY THE KID went center stage and was smiling her biggest smile. She put… the wrong arm out… Her arm went the wrong way, she turned the wrong way, and she fell.)

NIGEL: You're like a person who never even saw dancing before. I'm sorry to say.

SAVVY THE KID: You should rot in Davy Jones's Locker!

(And with that, SAVVY THE KID ran off the stage muttering about a vendetta on NIGEL. Well, OH SHIZL GZNGAHR got onstage and was again reading from the clipboard.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (calls out) Venezuela Enrique Rashwala Yolanda Hannah Oleander Tiscuits?

(Let's abbreviate her name, shall we? VERY HOT ran up onstage. One person would say that after reading the name, you can say that the person was very hot. But in fact, she was quite opposite. Poor girl had braces and was slobbing all over the place.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (backs away subtly) So… what are you going to be singing?)

VERY HOT: (with a lisp) Oh. I'm not thinging! I'm lip-thynching!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (gulps) To what?

VERY HOT: Juthtin Timberlake'th new thong of courthe!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (wipes off spit and starts laughing) Wait… his what?

VERY HOT: Thong! You know, "Thexthy Back?"

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Uhm… okay. You go girl!

VERY HOT: Okay!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (mutters) and don't come back.

(VERY HOT was upstage facing away from the audience. And then "Sexy Back" was playing. She started moving her hips. And then she turned. And it was really ugly. She was lip-syncing and tried to dirty dance. She TRIED, TRIED, and really TRIED to do a pirouette, but she was hopping all over the place, had no control whatsoever, and her spit had the volume of a bucket so basically, most of the people in the audience got hit by her spit.)

RANDOM GIRL: Holy crap! My new shirt!

RANDOM GUY: My eye!

RANDOM GIRL: THIS SHIRT COSTS ME LIKE ONE HUNDRED BUCKS!

RANDOM GUY: MY EYE COSTS ME TWO THOUSAND BUCKS!

RANDOM SKATER: Why would you have an eye that costs two thousand bucks?

RANDOM DUDETTE: And why would you have a shirt that costs one hundred bucks? That's just utterly ridiculous!

NIGEL and SIMON: This is utterly ridiculous!

SIMON: Seeing that you were lip-syncing, I'd like to say that you obviously cannot sing.

NIGEL: I would like to say that you should stop watching music videos and get some lessons.

(And with that VERY HOT ran off the stage bawling her mouth out. Yes. She was crying from the mouth. Spit was falling like a waterfall. Her mouth was crying, not her eyes. OH SHIZL GZNGAHR came back on stage with a mop and clipboard. Multitasking, baby!)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (while mopping the stage) KARLI!

(KARLI came onstage and she clearly looked like a pacifist. Well, she did put in her review that the sky was on illusion and OH SHIZL GZNGAHR thought that had feeling in it and thinks that she was a peaceful person. So, KARLI is now a pacifist.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: And what will you be singing?

KARLI: "Best of Both Worlds!" It's just sooo… true to life for popstars!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Uhm. I don't think you will be singing that.

KARLI: And why is that?

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR pointed. KARLI looked to where she pointed and saw Hannah Montana haters.)

KARLI: Uhm…what song should I sing?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: "Sexy Back?"

KARLI: No! After VERY HOT, no!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Oh, come on! It's very smexy song!

KARLI: No!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Uhm… how about… uh…Ooh! "Ramalama Bang Bang!" You should totally sing that!

KARLI: What kind of song is that!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Another smexy song!

KARLI: Uh…

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (takes out instant lyrics and gives it to KARLI) Here! These are the words!

KARLI: Who the heck is this by?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Roisin Murphy!

KARLI: Uh… What the juicy fruit?! "Stitch a seam across the eye?" That sounds painful!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Sure.

KARLI: "Unzip my body and take my heart out?" Eeeh!

(Without to KARLI's acknowledgment, OH SHIZL GZNGAHR slipped away and press the play button and so the music was playing. It sounded quite… voo doo ish. And then there was like a bunch of banging.)

KARLI: (hesitant) Could the body close the mind out?

Stitch a seam across the eye?

If you can be good, you'll live forever

If you're bad, you'll die when you die

Hearing only the one true note

On the one and only sound

Unzip my body

Take my heart out

'Cause I need a beat to give this tune

(And by now, some people were scared, some people were dancing, some people who knew this song were lip-syncing. This song is just too sexy. OH SHIZL GZNGAHR was bouncing along to the beat because she has musicology! And then she started to dance around like a monkey. And then the whole place become like a scene in Africa with the animals. People were screeching, roaring, monkeying around, it was like… watching Mean Girls all over again.)

KARLI: (starts to get into it) Ramalama Bang Bang!

Flash Bang Big Bang!

Bing Bong!

Ding Dong!

DUM DUM DO DUM DUM!

(DUDE WHO'S RETARDED AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WORK A CD PLAYER was being a cheetah and was running around back stage and accidentally bumped into the CD player, making it skip all the way to the end. Most of the people did the silent scream because they fell madly in love with it.)

SIMON: Well, that was pretty amazing.

DARBUS: Amazing!? I thought it was horrid! Now I'll have nightmares about Michael Jackson's video with the zombies!

NIGEL: I remember this song. The top ten danced to this. Ah. Good song.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Hence, why I picked it! (turns to KARLI) And what will you be dancing?

KARLI: But, I can't dance!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Oh nonsense! Everybody can dance!

KARLI: But, what about Savvy the Kid!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: She had confidence that she can dance! Now just go and dance dammit!

KARLI: Why don't you dance?!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Because I'm the director and because I'm sore! My calves and my thighs hurt!

KARLI: What the heck should I dance!?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Do you know "Todo Todo?"

KARLI: No.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: "Chilly Cha Cha?"

KARLI: No…

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: "September?"

KARLI: No!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Please tell me you know "Cotton Eyed Joe…"

KARLI: I know that! My friends and I dance to that all the time!

(Well, that's not a true fact. OH SHIZL GZNGAHR does not really know what KARLI dances to and if she dances to the song all the time with her friends.)

KARLI: Well, you're the author. Make yourself know that I do it all the time with my friends!

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR _knows_ that KARLI does the "Cotton Eyed Joe" dance all the time with her friends.)

KARLI: And front! And back and front back and side and kick up!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Isn't that "September?"

KARLI: Your mom.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Tu madre.

KARLI: Uhm…

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: HAH! You don't know any language!

NIGEL: Okay. Thank you for trying.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: You two Brits! DISAPPEAR!

(And NIGEL and SIMON disappeared.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Yeah… Just leave. We just wasted time.

KARLI: …

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Have my twenty bucks!

(OH SHIZL GZNGZNGAHR sadly gives away her twenty bucks to KARLI, who takes it happily. They stare at each other until KARLI starts dancing.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (roars) DON'T ENCOURAGE IT!

(And with that, the girl ran away. OH SHIZL GZNGAHR roars and rips her wig off. Well, imaginary. It doesn't exist. What the hell. Mother crackers.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Who the frick is next? WHAT THE FRIDGEEEEES? OK Go?! No way…

OK GO: Yes way!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: As much as I like your dances, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! YOU'RE ILLEGAL IN THIS HIGH SCHOOL! YOU OOOOOOOOLD!

OK GO: Not that old.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: How come all of you are speaking together?

OK GO: That's because you don't know our names.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Of course… WELL GET THE FRICK OUT OF HERE, YOU BOZOS! OR ELSE I'LL BE LIKE "JUGGERNAUT, BISCUIT!"

OK GO: …

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Bring the boot!

RANDOM STAGE CREW: Get the boot!

(A huge boot is brought out and kicks OK GO out of the high school magically.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Man. Now I have to open a new window and look at the reviews. I should remember these things. Garrrgh.

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR opens a new window anaskdfja;klsdjf;lzdxvuyhwnefrkjasdf. You know how to look at your reviews. Otherwise, you suck. Well, wahasdflkdj;flzdvndfv. DDASDADFVZKJSDFL. I hate life? SIMMS! KAJSD;FLD;VNKLDSFV.)

-----

We're sorry for the terrible intrusion. After OH SHIZL GZNGAHR gets back to normal, she will continue on with the story. It's 11:48 PM. The story must go on! Isn't that from a movie? Instead it's "The show must go on?" What the heck? Play sudoku. Do something. Go on youtube and watch your mom dying her hair. HAH! Aw, what the hell.

-----

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: I'm tired.

TROY: What the hell? You just started this like in the summer and it's like September already.

TAYLOR: Yeah!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Shut up! You're old, Monique.

TAYLOR: Who the heck is Monique?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Oooh. I forgot. You don't know her. (turns around and shouts) MONIQUE!

MONIQUE: Yeah?

(MONIQUE and TAYLOR look at each other.)

TAYLOR: This is freaky.

MONIQUE: I happen to see myself on television all the time, you know.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Anyways, you're like twenty-six years old. And you don't look twenty-one. You're like Kristen Bell. Except she looks older than you. FREEZE!

MONIQUE: Uhm…

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: You know… Instead of burn? And good luck with that "Dancing With the Stars." I didn't see you dance but… OH WELL!

GABRIELLA: I can dance!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: I just saw your video today?

GABRIELLA: Video?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: DAMMIT! (turns around and shouts) VANESSA!

(VANESSA comes around.)

VANESSA: Yo, pappi's.

TROY: You're hot.

VANESSA: What?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Yeah, I just saw your video.

VANESSA: Get with the program! You're slowing the story down!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Bah. Hum. Freaking. Bug.

VANESSA: It's not Christmas.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Well, I'm practicing! It IS coming, you know? STUPID!

VANESSA: What'chu call me?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: I'd like to see you beat me up!

VANESSA: Oh hell yeah, I will!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: But I'm the freaking Juggernaut, biscuit!

VANESSA: And I'm Oogie Boogie.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Dammit! ICICLE! GET YOUR FREAKING ICEY BUTT OVER HERE THIS FREAKING INSTANT!

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR hears ice cream truck.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Iggy! Freaking ice cream! Hell yeah!

(She whacks VANESSA with her clipboard in the nose. VANESSA becomes unconscious and OH SHIZL GZNGAHR drops the clipboard and runs outside. MONIQUE picks up the board but then…)

SHNITZI: Oh hell no!

(MONIQUE is booted by the boot and becomes unconscious in arm. SHNITZI takes the clipboard and hands it back to OH SHIZL GZNGAHR who came back from the ice cream truck.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Hell yeah! Freaking Shots! This shiz is good, dammit.

SHNITZI: Dude…

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Right-o! Icicle?

ICICLE: …WHAT?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Why are you in caps-lock?

ICICLE: BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: A'ight, man. So, uhm… Britney Spears, eh?

ICICLE: Yesh.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: What the heck is "Boys?"

ICICLE: A song by Britney Spears.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: I have never heard that song.

ICICLE: Well, too bad! I'm singing it!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: What if I made you sing "Girls?"

ICICLE: That's a song?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: HAH! I made you think it's a song!

ICICLE: What the haskdfj;akldf?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Dawww… Whatever. Go sing your song.

ICICLE: (sings) For whatever reason,

I feel like I've been wanting you all my life!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Okay! That's enough!

ICICLE: Tch. Why?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Fine! Make the little children cry!

ICICLE: There are no children…

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Fine! Do what you want! You made me cry!

ICICLE: You don't look like it.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: That's because my tears are invincible!

ICICLE: Don't you mean invisible?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: JUST SING!

ICICLE: (sings) What would it take for you to just leave with me?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: And what will you be dancing?

ICICLE: But…

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: You didn't finish. I know. But don't you think that song… a little bit over PG?

ICICLE: Uh…

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: This is freaking Disney!

ICICLE: I like Disney.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Me, too! I love _The Lion King_!

ICICLE: Omigosh! Me, too! And he was like, "MUFASA!"

(And the two of the started laughing while everybody is just like, "wtf.")

EVERYBODY: (shouts) SHOW US THE DAMN DANCE!

ICICLE: YO! STOP PMSING!

EVERYBODY: But we're guys!

ICICLE: What?

EVERYBODY: Your mom!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Yeah. Just show us the dance.

(And that… music… comes on… It's like… "Duhn… Dohn… Dohn… Dohn… Duhn duhn!" It gets higher every time or something. And then ICICLE turns around and does the running man! And somehow, is moving offstage…)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Ookay… Uhm… EVAN!

EVAN: It's freaking Eve-on! What the hell!? I even told you in my review!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Whoa… calm down there…

EVAN: But you can call me Evie for short!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: That name reminds me of… Uhm… No… What… That's Edie… I think…

EVIE: Whatever.

EVAN: Who are you?

EVIE: I'm you.

EVAN: Who?

EVIE: You.

EVAN: You?

EVIE: No! You!

EVAN: Me?

EVIE: Yesh!

EVAN: No, way!

EVIE: Totally!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: This has got to stop. Well, just do your dance thing. Oh crap. I lost the window. Now I have to find it again.

EVIE: Not only do you suck at Sims…

EVAN: But you suck at life!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: If I suck at life… Then how come you're all still living?

(Silence pursues the audience. And then is broken with a cough.)

EVIE: That was the corniest joke I have ever heard.

EVAN: I concur.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: At least I'm not like the person who came up with Cody and Rebecca.

EVAN: Who?

EVIE: Remember in one of the chapters? She was telling the readers and Troy and Gabriella that her friend made it up.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: He's not my friend!

EVIE: Fine. Your acquaintance.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Actually, I don't really want to be acquainted to him. He's the one that comes up with the worse jokes ever. Like if you're against the wall, he'll say, "Ooh. Getting a little close with that wall."

EVAN: Right. Look I'm going to sing.

EVIE: I'm singing with you!

EVAN: No, you're not.

EVIE: What?

EVAN: Go away, my alter-ego.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Hey! This reminds me of Heroes! The mom in Las Vegas or something.

EVAN: Omigosh! I love the cheerleader!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: So do I! It's so awesome because she never DIES!

EVIE: Huh?

EVAN: I said go away.

EVIE: Well, I can't. You are looking at your reflection.

(Everyone now seems to notice random mirror on the stage.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Who the hell put a mirror? I remember specifically not to put any mirrors here! We're all going to die if someone cracks a mirror!

EVIE: Dude… It's the mirror from Harry Potter.

EVAN: Oh! That mirror that shows what you want?

EVIE: Yeah! So, I'm guessing that you want an alter-ego?

EVAN: Yeah, but one that doesn't exist.

EVIE: Yes, you do. I'm still here.

SHNITZI: Shut the hell up, you two, and start performing.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Good girl, Shnitzi!

EVAN: Who the heck is Shnitzi?

SHNITZI: I'm her apprentice. Who else?

EVIE: Gay.

SHNITZI: PERFORM, DAMMIT!

EVAN: What was I performing again?

SHNITZI: Oh shizl gzngahr! She does not know!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: What do you mean she doesn't know?

SHNITZI: She doesn't know!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Dammit! Now I have to go look!

-------

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR goes to the… ACCOUNT LAIR!

-------

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: It says… What the heck happened to Amanduh?

EVAN: I changed it. DUH!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: It's weird. 'Cause every time I put your name in my fic, it always changes. You're so odd. It's so cool.

EVAN: Totally. Anyways…

(EVAN reads the review.)

EVAN: Yeah… To make life easier, I'll sing AND dance, "Jump On It!"

(A duck quacks.)

DARBUS: (angry) Was that a cell phone?

KELSI: No ma'am. It was Donald.

EVAN: Idiot! It was Daffy!

KELSI: NOOOO! He's white!

EVAN: R-tard! Can't you see he's black!

KELSI: HE'S WHITE!

EVAN: HE'S BLACK! MY GOSH!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: What is this? A racist issue?

KELSI: Uh…

EVAN: Oh… I just realized Kelsi just came into the fic. Wowowowowowowowowowowow.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: And 'sides, it's neither Donald nor Daffy. It's a Psyduck.

EVAN: What?

KELSI: It's the Pokemon, loser.

EVAN: But it quacked! It did not say Psyduck!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Can't you see it's yellow and it has its hands to its head?

(KELSI and EVAN look at the PSYDUCK.)

PSYDUCK: I'm really a psychologist.

KELSI: But… dude. You like… suck.

PSYDUCK: Noooo! The Psyduck that Misty has sucks! I can't believe I'm his 2847th cousin!

EVAN: You are?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Obviously. They look so much alike.

EVAN: Anyways… DUHN! DOHN, DOHN, DOHN, DUHN, DUHN, JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT!

(EVAN movies her hips either front, back, or to the sides. OH SHIZL GZNGAHR has no clue which way it goes first. And then EVAN starts twirling and crashes to the horse.)

RANDOM: COUGHCAMELCOUGH!

(And crashes to the coughcamelcough.)

RANDOM: IT'S JUST CAMEL!

(To the camel.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: So…Alexandra?

ALEXANDRA: Ready to perform!

(OH SHIZL GZNGAHR reads the review. And is silent.)

ALEXANDRA: Oh shizl gzngahr?

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Not to be mean… but… LOOK! ZAC EFRON AND DANIEL RADCLIFFE!

ALEXANDRA: …

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Huh?

ALEXANDRA: Dude… I'm one of those evil smart people.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: Oh. I'm one of those stupid smart people. I want to be evil smart!

ALEXANDRA: Too bad. ANYWAYS! I'll do "Bop to the Top!"

EVIE: Gasp! You stole Lucas and Ashley's song!

VERONICA MARS AND TSL FANS: KELLY AND MADDIE!

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: (sighs and shakes head) Idiots these days.

(Long pause.)

(Another long pause.)

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: It's already November! Omigosh! And at the beginning it says like September!

EVIE: You mean in the middle.

OH SHIZL GZNGAHR: ;AKSDF;ALKSJ;DFLKJAD;F!

EVIE: Uhm… I think this chapter just ended because Oh shizl gzngahr just dropped to the floor… Sucking… a…

(pause)

EVIE: Lollipop?! Where'd you get that?

(Everybody starts to sing that Barbie commercial song.)

RANDOM READER: Omigosh. I thought Evie was going to say the other thing.

EVIE: You disgusting pervert!

-------------------

Actually, I don't have a lollipop.


End file.
